UCLA Blows 800K in Stimulus Money on Penis Washing

Everyone wants to know where all that stimulus money is going. People want it to better their communities. Some want it to satiate their needs for fast food and convenience within their cities and towns. Some want it for housing, security, shelters, insert altruistic cause here.

However, if you’re UCLA, you want over 800 thousand of it to teach African men how to properly wash their respective twig ‘n berries after sex. Crusty!

I’m just “itching” to read the details.

The National Institute of Mental Health spent $823,200 of economic stimulus cash in 2009 on a study by a UCLA research team to teach uncircumcised African men how to wash their genitals after doing the nasty – having sex.

This oh-so essential program is merely a microcosm within a bigger, $12 million study on how to effectively encourage Africans to undergo HIV testing. Only the weiner-washing part of the study received money.

Personally, I need clarification the minute I step into the shower when it comes to washing my cash and prizes. It’s such a tedious process that requires careful planning, perception and a steady hand. I mean, it’s not like you can just step into a shower and just scrub your penis just as any other part of your body!

In all seriousness, this is enraging and frustrating. I’m sure there are other examples of egregious wastes of all this stimulus money out there. For the one or two people rhetorically screaming “no, our government would never allow such tomfoolery with precious funds!” – there’s a program at the University of North Carolina-Charlotte that received 750 grand to fund their “Dance Draw” project. Yup, it’s exactly what it sounds like – hook up a computer mouse to your chest and draw virtual geometric shapes.

No wonder no one takes our government seriously! We have idiots out there wasting valuable government funds on programs teaching men how to scrub their johnsons and wannabe beatniks in North Carolina how to draw octagons with their chests.

Stimulating!

Hot this week

Did David Wineland and Serge Haroche Steal Idea For The Nobel Physics Prize?

Dr. Omerbashich says the Royal Swedish Academy is a Crime Scene and he has the proof that Nobel laureates stole his discovery.

New Approaches to Disaster Relief Challenges

Disaster relief has always been a challenge. NASA, Google,...

3 Legitimate Money Making Methods to Supplement Your Income

In a perfect world, when your landlord raises your...

2016 Predictions by World Renowned Medium and Psychic Lindy Baker

World renowned medium and psychic Lindy Baker is interviewed by The Hollywood Sentinel, discussing psychic power, the spirit world, life after death, areas of concern in 2016, and much more.

Digital Coupon Customers Spending More Than Double At Stores

A new study shows that customers who use digital coupons go shopping more for groceries and other household goods more often and spend more on their shopping trips.

LAJFF Reminds Us Of The Beatles And More

The Los Angeles Jewish Film Festival (LAJFF) is celebrating...

Listo Expands with Major NHL Partnerships at Bridgestone Arena and Xcel Energy Center

Listo, a next-generation premium experience and hospitality platform, is...

Don’t Demand Respect While Rejecting the Host Culture

Why demanding respect from the West without self-reflection falls flat. A powerful defense of Western values and cultural boundaries.

FUD Is the Only Thing That’s Real in Crypto Right Now

In the topsy-turvy world of crypto, where projects appear...

How to Get Your Team OSHA-Compliant Without Disrupting Productivity

You’ve got deadlines to hit, orders to fill, and...

Setting the Scene in the Green Leadership Contest

An informative analysis of the UK Green Party leadership contest and its pro Palestinian stance on antisemitism, trans rights, and other human rights issues

Related Articles

Popular Categories