I had the pleasure to sit down and talk with Elite Connections owner Sherri Murphy, and ask her everything about dating, from how she got started owning Elite Connections, to what men and women want, and more. I found her answers very entertaining and insightful, and I trust that you will too.
Sherri Murphy – Life Mission
Hollywood Sentinel – Bruce Edwin: What is the biggest goal you want to achieve on this planet that you have not yet done?
Sherri Murphy: To get other people involved in our town. Did you know that California is one of the worst places in the world for human trafficking? Watch the true story of the film “Whistleblower.” Get a clue, look around and if you see someone being mistreated. Call CAST L.A. I’d like to do more to help the street kids of L.A. Help them with the issues that put them where they are, help them get jobs and a place to live. I want an Elite Connections office in every major cosmopolitan city in the U.S.
Hollywood Sentinel: How do you want to be remembered?
Helping Kids and Animals
Sherri Murphy: As a person that cared about other people, L.A.’s homeless children, the planet and animals. I love helping people and so my job is perfect for me. I’ve not eaten meat for forty years and I’m so happy that it’s now a normal and accepted way to eat.
Hollywood Sentinel: That’s great! I am a vegetarian too.
Sherri Murphy: Great. I’d like to be remembered as a person that worked hard but enjoyed life and was fun. A good mother, a loving wife and a person that cares about other people.
Hollywood Sentinel: Why is it do you think that so many relationships fail?
Sherri Murphy: Relationships fail because people expect perfection and are selfish. You have to be a giving person to be in a relationship. It’s not all about what that person can do for you, but what you have to offer!
Things go wrong in day to day life. People make mistakes and do stupid things. We are all human and there is not a single person alive that doesn’t fail and blow it. Relationships fail because people can’t get over things that go wrong. Life is a series of ups and downs. People get sick, lose their jobs, they screw up, make bad business deals. People are so excited to have a family but have no clue that you don’t get a full night sleep for six months to a year. Being alive is like a roller coaster ride and the key to success in a relationship is, can you find a way to be happy when there are problems, not just when life is great? Can you forgive someone that has a couple cocktails and says something lame? Can you move to a smaller house if your spouse loses their job? If you want to be in a relationship you have to handle the problems of day to day life, because they will come.
Be Happy with Your Self
People think that being in a relationship will make them happy. You need to find happiness within yourself and then find love. If you heard the 1st date horror stories we hear, you’d be shocked. A man will sit for two hours and talk about every bad date he’s had. A woman will talk about her awful boss, her broken car and how she hates L.A. If everything out of your mouth is negative, then your life will stay that way. Talking about your problems just keeps that upfront and center in your mind. You make the negative crap grow. Let it go- zip it! Everyone has problems.
Don’t Repeat Old Patterns
So many relationships fail because people date the same type of person over and over again. I’m no stranger to moving on and have been divorced three times, I finally realized that I had a type and kept picking that type of man again and again. When I finally took responsibility for letting these men into my life and learning to walk away before it got to serious, my life got better. You make the choice to be with someone, no one made you be with them. Don’t blame the other person because they can’t help the way they are, they are just not right for you. Learn from your mistakes, take responsibility and grow up. Move on and don’t go back. If you give a nice person that’s not your type a chance, your life will change for the better. I did exactly this and married my soul mate. I almost didn’t go on a second date, and nineteen years later, I can’t imagine being without him.
Elite Connections – Working with Stars
Hollywood Sentinel: What celebrities have you worked with and what was that like?
Sherri Murphy: Celebrities join with us because we keep things private and discreet. Our clients are in recent movies and T.V. shows, but they’d not be with us if we blabbed their names all over town. When we match someone on T.V. like we did La Toya Jackson recently, it’s O.K. to talk about it. Most celebrities are actually very nice. They have insecurities like anyone else. It’s easy to understand that they worry the person they date won’t like them for their true self and not because they are successful and well known.
Read and see more about Sherri Murphy working with La Toya at www.EliteConnections.com.
Money Makes the Man
Hollywood Sentinel: How important is a lot of money that a man has to most women you deal with, in a relationship?
Sherri Murphy: Almost all of the women that join with us want a man that is doing well financially. It’s very important. They don’t want to be with a man that has no job or living with his mother. I’m not saying everyone had to be super wealthy. We are working for some of the most successful people in the world but also a professor, salesman and a fireman. One of our matchmakers just married a fireman. He’s fabulous and we all love him.
Hollywood Gold Diggers
I’ve been a matchmaker for almost twenty years, so I’ve seen it all. I’ve met women who have no job, living with their mothers and they will only date the most successful men in town. That’s what we call a gold digger. Then we have women that make really good money and only want to date men that make around what they make. That’s what we call fair. We also have women that are struggling but working hard to make ends meet and they long to marry and have a family. One woman just told me, “I just want a guy that can give me a nice home with a pool for our children. I don’t mind working part time.” We can find her that guy.
Hollywood Sentinel: How important is a lot of money that a woman has to most men you deal with, in a relationship?
Sherri Murphy: Men hardly ever ask to date a woman with a lot of money. The gold digging men are all dating older women online. The men that join with us like it if women are working. They like women that are passionate about their jobs and have goals but they never seem to care how much money the women make. I’ve had many women come in that say they won’t date a man that makes under a certain amount but I’ve never had a man make that request.
Why Men Don’t Succeed With Women
The Hollywood Sentinel: What is the biggest reason why men have trouble getting dates with women?
Sherri Murphy: Men simply pick the wrong women to approach and so they get turned down too often. They shouldn’t shop out of their price range. If you’re not successful don’t go after the hot L.A. gold diggers, it’s a recipe for disaster. Find a cute woman that likes to do the same things as you and is looking for the same things in life. Why should you date a woman that dreams of going to Europe when you like to camp? I hope you see my point.
How to Get a Girl’s Number
If men ask a woman for her phone number in front of five of her friends, she will decline. Alone, he will have a much better chance. She will give him a chance simply because there are not so many people looking on.
On the date, don’t talk about the stress of your work, life, etc. You’ll come off as moody and cast a dark cloud over the date. Don’t talk about your ex-wife, girlfriend being an idiot, which makes you the idiot that married or dated them. No negative talk on dates. Ever!
Why Women Don’t Succeed With Men
Hollywood Sentinel: What is the biggest reason why women have trouble finding the man they want?
Sherri Murphy: Women tend to build an unrealistic idea in their head about the perfect guy and often have a delusional opinion of their self. Every day we hear, “I know I’m 50 but everyone tells me I look 35. I have so much energy and only want to date men that are under 45.” Get real ladies! You’re an attractive 50 year old, that’s reality. Date your age and up. If you want to date 35 year old’s, go online and have fun, but be prepared to pay if you end up in a relationship. That’s a required perk for all younger people dating older.
Women tend to look in the wrong places. If you want to meet a quality man with a good job that wants to have a family… where do you look? Do you go to a bar or a fundraiser? Are they looking online or signed up with a matchmaker? Of course you can meet men any of these ways but if what you’ve been doing isn’t working, then you need to try something different. You need to stop wasting precious time and date smarter. Life goes by too fast.
Women spend years with the wrong man. They marry someone they are unhappy with and get divorced after six years. Then they spend another two years with a great guy but he will never marry her. Then instead of being 30 and finding a man to have a family with, they are 40 and things just get harder for them. Everyone makes mistakes in life, but the secret to happiness is… how fast can you get out of a mistake? Six months? Six years?
Finding the Right Guy
Women need to learn to move forward and never go backward. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve heard, “I dated him for a year, then we broke up and got back together two years later. Then we finally got married and divorced after ten years.” They even get remarried to the same guy, it’s just crazy. Look what happened to Natalie Wood. You made a mistake, breakup, get divorced, let go, move on and quit talking about him. Find the right man instead of trying to fix the wrong one! Those looking to find a match may visit www.EliteConnections.com.
Women and A Physical Relationship
Hollywood Sentinel: How important is good intimacy to most women you deal with in a relationship?
Sherri Murphy: It’s important to everyone, but they don’t normally talk about it with us. Good chemistry is more important and having fun with someone. Being with someone that enjoys life, has interesting things to talk about, is happy, positive and fun. If you have all those great qualities it’s almost certain you will have great sex too.
Men and A Physical Relationship
Hollywood Sentinel: How important is good intimacy to most men you deal with in a relationship?
Sherri Murphy: In twenty years I’ve never had a man come in and say, “I’m looking for a woman that’s great in the sack.” How would we know anyway? By the time men join with us they’ve had plenty of girlfriends and are looking for something more than just that. Of course the physical side is important, but it’s not number one on their list. Maybe they’ve just gotten divorced from a selfish woman, so they are looking for someone that is giving and kind. If they are looking to marry and have a family they want someone that they can picture themselves with for the rest of their life.
If a woman is fit, positive, happy with her life and goal oriented she has a much better chance to really turn a man on. With those qualities her chances of a good physical relationship in a lasting relationship are much better. I’m sure that nagging complainers can have a good physical relationship too, but how long can the man stick around and deal with that?
Hollywood Sentinel: How important is bust size to most men you deal with for a woman?
Sherri Murphy: Honestly most men don’t really care about size. A woman that’s attractive and fit is more important.
Two out of one hundred men will ask to meet women with large bust. Sometimes they will request a natural woman and that means “no implants.” It’s Los Angeles and that’s a very difficult search!
Hollywood Sentinel: (laughs) How important are certain physical attributes in a man to most women you deal with for a man?
Sherri Murphy: Women never come in asking this question. How would we know? What do you think we do, a background check and measurement?
Hollywood Sentinel: (Laughs) Hilarious. Please tell us anything else you want to share or discuss before we go.
Mr. and Ms. Perfect
Sherri Murphy: If you want to fall in love, open your mind. Give a nice person a chance, get to know them, make a friend and see what happens. Stop looking for someone perfect because there is no such thing.
Are you getting depressed because you can’t find your soul mate? Maybe you need to grow, find a passion in life and change. Do you do any volunteer work? Why not? Give back to this world and maybe things will change for you. Help a children’s charity or an animal rescue. I’m not asking you to adopt three dogs, but you can take a dog for a walk once a week. You can join Big Sisters – Big Brothers and take a child to a movie or dinner. Go to a CAST L.A. event and help their amazing cause.
Collect clothes and shoes from your friends and take them to Common Ground in Santa Monica for L.A.’s homeless children. There are desperate children all around us! Step up and help a few, quit thinking about yourself and you will become a much better and interesting person. Sign up for our ‘Party With A Purpose’ fundraisers. We always have great single people at those events. There are many fabulous single people that donate their time for events like this, go meet them! Come to our Malibu event for CAST L.A. in August and mingle. Your chances of meeting nice single people is much better at a fundraiser!
Girl and Guy Reinvented
If you want to fall in love but are not meeting anyone, get out of your rut. Make new friends, reinvent yourself, grow, and donate your time. Do all that and you are one step closer to being a better person with a much better chance of meeting and falling in love with another great person. You won’t meet anyone sitting at home. So get out there, it’s a huge world, enjoy it!
Sherri Murphy is CEO & Founder at Elite Connections Tel: 800-923-4200 www.EliteConnections.com.