Go With The Snow

Many a deluded elder, state, without considering who they may offend, that Adolf Hitler “Was a rather clever chap, but a tad mental”. And for the best part, I’d agree. But no longer! For I found a flaw in his misguided so-called brilliance. The answer lies in his inability to defeat Britain in the Second World War. What kind of megalomaniac idiot uses bombs?

Surely if the mono-testicular baddie wanted to defeat our great, noble nation, he would have used the thing we fear most. The one substance our shores cannot tolerate, like Kryptonite to Superman. The answer is of course, snow! All he had to do was send the old Luftwaffe to our beloved island, armed with nothing but a few sacks full of crispy white, and the whole nation would have come to a standstill, rolled over like an obedient dog, and conceded defeat.

I often wonder why that strange looking little man from North Korea is putting so much effort into frightening us with big nuclear bombs, giant snowballs on the other hand…

Whereas the rest of Britain would have thrown in the white flag, and stayed indoors with soup, myself and a battalion of school children would have soldiered on. It seems that we are the only demographic in this country that actually embraces the whitewash.

Every other person in this symmetry of Narnia seems to become recluse and cower away from it, as if it’s some sort of unknown alien entity. They all become scared and pathetic. Buying every last supply of food from ASDA, so normal people like me can’t buy a loaf of bread when we’d like to. But who’s to blame for this mass snowy haze of hysteria? Of course! Its mother health and safety, and her endless onslaught of “Severe weather conditions expected, under no circumstances attempt to move from your home during the tsunami of snow, buy supplies before hand, build a dam in your porch.”

Anyone would think that there was some kind of natural disaster approaching the way they go on. But strangely, people seem to abide the insane bird on the telly, and it does frustrate me so.

People of Britain, please, turn your television off, buy some sledges, go out, rap up, use caution where needed and act as normal. See the snow as a fun frosty bonus.

Joe Garnett
Joe Garnett is 18 years old, born and raised in Leeds, UK. He is furthering his education in Journalism, and is a freelance writer, recently producing a number of articles for UK magazines.