How do you break the cycle of domestic abuse? Self-Help Author Veera Mahajan explains in this exclusive interview here below, as well as in her new book; UNREPORTED: Learning to Live Free, discussed as follows.
Author, Mediator, and Public Speaker; Veera Mahajan is one of Malibu’s most vital community leaders. Author of the critically acclaimed book “Unreported: Learning to LIVE free,” about recognizing and overcoming domestic abuse and stopping domestic violence, Veera Mahajan is also a highly praised Educator, Mediator, and Publisher, having created and published the landmark publication “Malibu Chronicle.”
As noted earlier on ABC News; “With a master’s degree in Dispute Resolution from the prestigious Pepperdine School of Law; Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution, Veera Mahajan leads a multi-faceted team of private clients; educating them on the causes and solutions of crisis and conflicts.”
As mentioned on NBC News, “In the institutional, educational world, Veera successfully leads a position as Communications Coordinator; bridging understanding, and wisely teaching peacemaking for both the student-body and parents, as well as faculty. Through Veera’s guidance and expertise, students and peers learn to listen and respect each other, resolving conflicts with calmness and logic, rather than anger or violence.”
A licensed Mediator; Veera’s desire to help others brings her work with attorney’s in resolving conflicts in the areas of business, and family among more. Her track record of proven successes in mediation helps save time, money, and most importantly-relationships.
The Hollywood Sentinel did an exclusive new interview with Veera Mahajan this month concerning her past relationships, and what motivated her to stop being abused herself, and to help teach others. The following is an excerpt of that interview here below, exclusively for “News Blaze,” as well as Veera’s recent exclusive radio interview on Voices of America, also below.
Hollywood Sentinel: You have a great quote about your book by Oscar Winning actor Louis Gossett, Jr. Please tell us, what is your relationship like with him?
Veera Mahajan: Louis Gossett Jr. is a friend and a fellow Malibu resident. I got to know him from the Malibu Playhouse days. We use to do scene studies and put up shows. He directed the wonderful play “Blood Knot” at the Playhouse with local actors. He is a good man and like me – an advocate against abuse and racism.
Hollywood Sentinel: Awesome. You use a slogan of L.I.V.E. Please tell us about that and how you came up with it?
Veera: It stands for Loving yourself, Insisting on freedom, Victory over Victim Syndrome, and being Empowered. After my divorce finalized, I knew I was free form the abusive situation I lived in but when I stopped and thought about it, I didn’t know how to “live” this free life. Even though I was born in a free country and I was supposedly living in a free country, I hadn’t really lived a totally free life. I always had someone approving or disapproving everything I did. I could not make any decisions on my own unless of course, the controllers in my life didn’t care and said it was okay for me to decide. It was almost as if I could “live” when they said it was okay for me to live and they could take it back or pull the rug from under me anytime they wanted. When I say “they,” I mean my parents when I was younger and then my husband as an adult. So, after the divorce, I decided to interview people who had come out of abuse and were now “living” a free and fulfilling life. From them, I learned how to L.I.V.E.
Hollywood Sentinel: Amazing. What did it feel like when you went from victim, to victor? How did your life change?
Veera: A few months after the divorce finalized, I decided to move away and I came to Malibu. I rented an apartment for a while to see if this was the right place for me. My son was close by, he was studying at a fashion design college in LA. It was about after three months, one morning I woke up and could not believe when I realized I hadn’t cried in three months. That is when I knew I was actually “free.” It was an amazing feeling, a feeling that I had never felt before in my life.
Hollywood Sentinel: Incredible. You speak of a person not having enough self esteem, which causes people to be abused, and the importance of loving ones self enough. When you didn’t, why didn’t you love yourself enough, and how did you change that?
Veera: I was never taught to love myself. I was always taught to take care of others needs and taught that thinking of myself was selfish. No one ever taught me that my feelings were important. I was never taught that I deserved to be respected. I was told I was loved, and because my parents took care of our needs, we were to assume that was love even though it also came with verbal and physical abuse. That was the way of life.
When you are always told what to do and that you are not good enough, that kills your self esteem. It also prepares you to accept abuse from others. My brothers and I were never taught that our happiness mattered. That is what I took to my married relationship. I loved him, did everything to make him happy. I always wanted to be loved, but by my own actions never showed that I cared enough to give him consequences if he treated me badly.
It was a good thing that I never gave into the lessons taught by my own mother and our culture. And I am not just talking about the Indian culture, I am talking about Indian and American. Somehow women are taught that men are going to be men; they will be angry, they will cheat, and they will lose their temper once in a while, and that this is normal. Indian culture take it to another level and does not support women even if they complain. I never accepted it. I continued to fight for myself and my children. And when my youngest son passed the custody fight stage (becoming a legal adult), I told my ex-husband I was done taking his abuse and left.
Hollywood Sentinel: Wow. You are a beautiful, kind, great person, and would be a major loss to someone if you cut them out of your life. Has the person who abused you in your past that you cut off tried recently to come back into your life? How did you handle that if so, and how should a person handle something like this?
Veera: Not recently, but yes, during the divorce, and sometime after the divorce my ex-husband tried to bring me back, and a couple times during the divorce I did go back but I never gave into the idea that I would accept the conditions I was leaving him for. I did not give up my apartment, and had a place to go to as soon as there was the first sign or anger or abuse. I gave him a couple chances to change for the sake of the family, but if there was not going to be an actual effort and change, I was determined, I was not going back.
Hollywood Sentinel: There is a great quote in your book which I love that states, “Do you know that you were born as good as anyone else? Well you were. No one has the right to make you feel afraid or make you feel bad about yourself.” What was the single most important thing that helped you get over your fear of others or of those that abused you?
Veera: Seeing my growing son, still afraid of his father when he was hitting him, killed the fear inside me and made me finally take the action that was so overdue. I finally decide to give up trying to beg him to stop abusing us instead I decide to “stop” accepting the abuse and I told him I was leaving him. That day I freed my sons and myself to live our lives the way we wanted to live and put and end to abuse.
Hollywood Sentinel: Wow. What is your best advice to others regarding the fastest way to overcome their fears?
Veera: To face the fears head on and believe that they are not going to go away on their own. You cannot depend on anyone else to save you. You have to take action and save yourself. Once you start trusting yourself, their is no room for fear. You can do anything and overcome any fear.
Listen to Veera’s recent interview on Voice America, at the link here below. Order Veera’s book at Amazon here below, and visit Veera’s Official Website for her book UNREPORTED: Learning to LIVE free, also below.
UNREPORTED: Learning to LIVE free: The Official Website: www.UnreportedTheBook.com
Veera Mahajan, Author of UNREPORTED: Exclusive Interview on Voice America: https://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/113435/unreported-domestic-abuse-is-an-unreported-crime
Veera: Official LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/veera-mahajan-a1746325/
For Press, Media, Bookings of Veera, please contact the publicity department at (+1) 310-226-7176
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