This is not a test or a quiz, just a game. Fill in the blank spaces in the following 10 quotations with the correct word or phrase. The correct word or phrase appears somewhere among the suggested answers.
1. My country, right or …………!
A. Left.
B. I’m going to emigrate to Cuba, Somalia, or Zimbabwe.
C. Sometimes way off the mark.
D. Wrong. (But we have a sound reason for doing what we do – we play the simple democratic game of “Follow the Judas Goat.”)
2. Give me liberty or give me………….!
A. More entitlements.
B. A deeper tax cut.
C. A NRA membership and a Kalashnikov AK-47.
D. Death. (With a cheap burial on the battlefield and generous death benefits for my dependents.)
3. The only thing we have to fear is………….!
A. Universal health care and a long stay in a hospital.
B. North Korea and the Axis of Evil, whoever they are.
C. The irrational and misguided party of the opposition.
D. Fear itself.
4. Don’t ask what your country can do for you, ask………..!
A. Why not reactivate the draft to further the imperialistic designs of our leaders?
B. Why do we support Israel in the Near East? (They have no oil.)
C. Why don’t we send troops to the problem areas in Africa like Dafur?
D. Why all the media hullabaloo about wire taps, lying, and sodomites?
E. What you can do for your (heavily indebted) country.
5. I regret that I have only ………….to give to my country.
A. My sons and daughters.
B. 180 pounds of flesh.
C. A simple IOU. (Deficit spending is in vogue, ask anyone.)
D. A lengthy prayer.
E. One (miserable) life.
6. No man is .. …………
A. A peninsula like the State of Michigan.
B. A reformed male chauvinist.
C. The son of a virgin.
D. A beer swilling, skirt chasing, hooligan soccer fan, and lazy lout.
E. An island entire of itself. (Thank the Lord!)
7. When in doubt………
A. Write your Congressman or woman, or e-mail Dear Abby.
B. Send money to your favorite charity, aka the U. S. Treasury.
C. Try not to think for yourself. (What do you know?)
D. Punt on first down.
8. Don’t shoot until …………..!
A. You’ve put on a condum.
B. You’ve paid your NRA dues and contributed to the ACLU.
C. You’ve hired a good defense attorney and found two reliable Jewish witnesses.
D. You can see the whites of their eyes. (And can determine from the Red Coats that the enemy troops are Englishmen.)
9. Blessed are the peacemakers…………….
A. So go find yourself a piece to make.
B. So send U. N. Peacekeepers to the Sudan to be blessed.
C. So start a war of liberation or regime change and then make a hasty peace.
D. For they shall be called the children of:
a. Allah
b. God
c. Jehovah
d. Zeus
10. Semper Fidelis, Semper Paratus, Always…………!
A. Broke.
B. Dissatisfied with the government.
C. Fed up with my job.
D. Ready for a change.
E. In need of a fix.
F. Happy that I was born in America! (Unless you were born somewhere else!)
Put away your book of quotations now and enjoy celebrating Independence Day, 2010!
