McCain Vets Palin... The Way it Might Have Been

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Satire by Alan Gray, NewsBlaze

It seems that the McCain investigations crew didn't do too good a job on vetting Sarah Palin.

Their excuse is they didn't want to set off alarm bells by reading local newspapers or other local records.

It's a pity that they didn't think this through a bit more. Couldn't they have sent in one person acting as an Author, who wanted to write a story about the rise of the Governor?

They could have at least told McCain they missed making a few checks!

Lawyer: Senator McCain, I'm pleased to report Sarah Palin is clean - what a great VP she will be!

McCain: You've done a heckuva job, boys, I'll call her now.

- And we know the results of that!

Here's how it should have gone down:

Lawyer: Senator, we investigated Sarah Palin and everything looks good, but I have to tell you our investigation had a few major holes in it. We didn't check local newspapers or other local records because we didn't want to tip our hand and allow the pundits and media to spread the news prematurely.

McCain: Well you know the dems will hit us hard if they have something on her. Why didn't you hire an undercover author researching a book on the Governor?

Lawyer: Uh... never thought of that!

McCain: What about that Internet thing, can't you get information from newspapers by searching.

Lawyer: Internet, what's that?

McCain: OK, well I'll just ask her.

... a few minutes later ... ring ring ...

Hello?

McCain: Hello, this is John McCain, and no, it's not a recording.

Palin: Hello Senator, this is Governor Palin.

McCain: Hi. Let's cut to the chase... Sarah, I'd like you to be the Vice Presidential nominee on my ticket.

Palin: Wow what an honor, thank you Senator, I accept. By the way, what does a VP do?

McCain: Never mind that for now. Before we make this official, I need to know something. Is there anything in your background or your family background that is going to come out and bite us in the rear end in the next few days? You know, a few skeletons in the cupboard that my crack team of lawyers couldn't find in the past 3 months. Some things my opposition knows, that they'll whip us to death with.

Palin: ... Well, I once slapped my daughter when she was naughty, but no, I can't think of a single thing

... unless ... maybe ...

McCain: Oh oh, I'm getting a bad vibe here.

Palin: ... Senator, do you think anyone will care about ...

... the fact that my 17 year old daughter is 5 months pregnant

McCain: How did that happen?

Palin: As you know, we didn't give her any sex education, we just told her about abstinence.

McCain: Didn't she listen?

Palin: Well, because we couldn't talk about sex, we just told her there where some things that she had to wait for until she got married. ... And she thought that meant you weren't allowed to touch bellybuttons.

McCain: ... ... ... Is there more?

Palin: What about my husband, who drinks and drives?

McCain: Did he get caught?

Palin: Only two DUIs, so far, but it was back in 1986.

McCain: I think I'm going to fire all those "crack" lawyers...

... Anything else that I didn't really want to know?

Palin: Can't think of anything else right now, When do I start?