OK, so, by now, we’ve all come to terms with the fact that “Bacon” & “Sex” are the two most popular items obsessively discussed, sought out and stared at for hour after hour on the internet.
For any experienced Psychologist, Priest, Pastor or Person who has lived on Planet Earth for more than just a few years, those facts are relatively, indisputably established, most probably considered fairly normal , or at least within the realm of sanity and definitely pretty much “as expected.”
Even we here www.BaconFreak.com are constantly getting emails, phone calls, letters and are stopped on the street by “FANS” telling us just how seductively sizzlin’ and sensuously scintillating our gourmet bacon is, and how it creates urges in people that are sometimes hard to control and even harder to explain,
But even we had to stop and take some time to analyze the latest “cultural condition,” where people are now beginning to combine their two favorite obsessions into one single, symbiotically sizzling compulsion that has come to be known as “Pre-occupational Porking Passion!”
OK, now we openly admit that we absolutely LOVE bacon, but licentious LUST is a bit different. So as a larger and larger sector of our culture continues making references that combine sex & bacon together, we felt obligated to do a little bit of good humored but serious investigation into the nature of the situation.
So I jumped right onto my trusty computer and started searching for that ever so popular keyword “bacon” and was somewhat surprised with how quickly I was inundated with all kinds of stories, pictures, jokes, videos etc. of sexy women in bacon bikinis, bacon bras, and some other topics I simply don’t feel comfortable talking about in a mixed crowd.
Of course there was Kevin Bacon, who many of the ladies seem to find sexy, and his wife Kyra Sedgwick, who many men seem to find sexy and then just below the commonly traveled levels of Suicide Girls with matching Bacon tattoos and various versions of hot and spicy “Bacon is Meat Candy” homages, were the following stories:
Bacon Flavored & Scented LOVE LUBE: Apparently this product claims to be designed for people to rub all over their significant other in order to allow their Obsession #2″ to suddenly smell and taste exactly like their “Obsession #1.”
Upon first glance, this seems to me to be a April Fools Hoax but even so, the very fact that people who are on top of what virally “HOT” online know that if you combine sex and bacon together, you are going to get a TON of hits still makes the point that there is some definite interplay going on here between the epicurean and the erotic.
Bacon Scented Underwear for Both Men & Women: The truth is, I can think of about 7 totally hilarious puns to toss out right now, just off the top of my head … OK, so make that 8, … but I’m too much of a gentleman to play that game so you’ll just have to use a little deductive creativity and connect the dots.
Padma Lakshmi Eating A Bacon Burger: uhhh ohhhh, then I saw something that actually was fairly enticing, but then I had to question my perceptions. Obviously I make a living working in the world of Gourmet Food, and every professional “Foodie” is well aware of the beauty of “Top Chef’s” amazingly gorgeous Padma Lakshmi.
Turns out that lovely Padma has done a Bacon Burger Commercial for a popular “Fast Food Franchise” that even got me momentarily thinking that, at least for 30 seconds, fast food never quite looked so temptingly tantalizing.
But like I said, I’m a profession gourmet so the attractiveness of Ms. Lakshmi is already well established, and she has done plenty of evocatively erotic photo shoots before, so what “IS” it that is so special about this one?
Now, of course I remember the ‘Fast Food” Paris Hilton Car Wash commercial, but that was no big deal, even the full 1 minute extended version couldn’t captivate me because, well, basically, there wasn’t a single slice of bacon on the entire burger, so obviously no big whoop!
Besides, I’m professional, I mean, I’ve always had a love affair with food and I think I’ve tasted just about every flavor imaginable, so …. Hey wait a minute … where have I heard those words before? Yikes, how is this stuff getting inside my head so quickly!
OMG, it’s the BACON! Watch the video and tell me if you suddenly have a very powerful pull to put some bacon in your mouth as soon as humanly possible. Enjoy!
By the way, if you watch this video more that 473 times in a day, you may have a problem and should consider seeking help. LOL 😉
Signing off at Pigging out!
Rocco “Boss Hog” Loosbrock
(NewsBlaze readers use coupon code Blaze to get 10% off your next bacon order)