“The purpose of this book is to give you multiple relationship examples from all angles and to examine those examples from all angles. This will help you to possibly consider a different perspective or answer questions you’ve always had. That, in turn, can help you have better, stronger and healthier relationships…
Women will get the uncensored, uncut, raw male point of view. Men will get the truth about is, why we are trifling. I am not bashing- WE TRIFLING! The first half of the book is about The Emotional Instability of Men, starring me…
The second half is written by the professor in me… My advice is unconventional, unthinkable and at first glance, may sound ridiculous… Not for the faint at heart, but my advice is tried, tested and true. I make some revelations. I shatter some myths. You will be entertained.”
Excerpted from the Preface (pages ix-x)
I can’t say that this book lives up to the rest of the hype in the patently pompous preface, but at least there’s truth in advertising in the last line of the above quote. For, if nothing else, “You will be entertained” by Men Don’t Heal, We Ho, which is as frank a primer on the battle-of-the-sexes as one could hope to encounter. Perhaps that’s because its author, Steven James Dixon, divides his time equally between doling out love advice and picking the bones of his failed first marriage and numerous other dating relationships.
So, the way I would describe this opus is as half-heartfelt emotional dump, half practical words to the wise from a guy who has learned from his experience and is great at compiling lists. In fact, he starts with the latter right on the back cover, where he promises the text will definitively answer 5 questions for women (like “Why your boyfriend won’t make you his wife”) and another 5 for men (like “Why your homeboy is cheating on his wife”).
What, you may ask, are the qualifications of Mr. Dixon? Well, although he’s a college grad, to the best of my knowledge he didn’t get a degree in psychology. Still, his website (http://relationshipbeast.com/) indicates that he currently shares his expertise in relationship workshops. But before you rush to register for the brother’s next seminar, you might first want to at least read what he has to say on the pages of his alternately shocking and enumerating tome.
Let’s discuss his assorted laundry lists first. There’s the 5 most important factors in a successful marriage (love, communication, trust, commitment and respect). How about the 10 ingredients for a successful relationship, my favorite being, “If you don’t like her mama, get out of there.”
Particularly hilarious is the top 10 ho topics of conversation which range from “I have to find a hookup on some weave and get my hair rewoven” to “I am so mad at my baby-daddy because he won’t have anything to do with our son because he looks like our best friend.” Speaking of hos, the book’s title is explained during a discussion of the author’s being in denial while sleeping around when he should have been mourning his divorce. He concedes that he needed to “take some time and allow my heart to heal, but men don’t heal, we ho.”
After such an honest admission, what’s next? Why not more lists! The 5 steps to getting your marriage back on track, the 3 problems with single women, the 3 problems with wives, the 3 things men must do to help save our communities, the 3 key things a married man should do to be a successful husband and father. Etcetera. (He’s happily re-married now, by the way)
Even the penultimate chapter contains 11 Questions about men, 3 categories of commitment, the 10 things a man would rather hear from a woman than “I love you,” 5 parameters for when it’s okay to say “I love you,” and 10 ways to know if you are your husband’s fantasy.” Whew!
To be honest, the bulk of the advice delineated in this womanizer-turned-relationship guru’s copious lists is sound, though not nearly as “unconventional” as billed. What is unique, however, is his vulnerability revealed while recounting his personal transformation into marriage material with the help of the Lord and the love of the patient saint who is now his wife.
Highly recommended, but primarily as a tell-all confessional of an ex- player.
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Men Don’t Heal, We Ho:
A Book about the Emotional Instability of Men
by Steven James Dixon