Skyscraperman Wins The Day

Who else so proudly displays our flag for all Americans to view than Dan the Spiderman who just climbed San Francisco’s 57 story tall building?

Watching Skyscraperman Dan Goodwin’s elongated arms and legs confidently move along the glass of the building was a thrill.

What is his reward?

Arrest or ‘Lockup,’ as described by SF’s police chief. Now there’s a winner. Sanctuary city San Fran is harboring illegal criminals who are invading our country and boasts a blubbering police chief whose pronunciation of English was extremely poor during Skyscraperman’s news conference.

We who live now in a land of oppressive laws designed to keep up down have a tall lanky-looking hero willing to climb high into the sky without harming anyone.

Skyscraperman Dan Goodwin hails originally from Kennebunkport, Maine. Today his time is divided between Lake Tahoe and Marin County, California.

Dan Goodwin’s relentless climb to fame was fostered by the tragic 1989 Las Vegas, Nevada MGM Grand fire when he watched as helpless people perished. People of whom Dan, already an avid rock climber, fervently believed could be saved at that time.

Dan watched in horror as 84 victims burned to death or leapt to certain death. A few months earlier Dan had witnessed a rescue attempt on El Capitan in Yosemite National Park. Based on that Skyscraperman was sure many who died in Las Vegas could have been rescued if only the Las Vegas fire department were better prepared.

One day following the disaster long-limbed Dan presented his plan to the Las Vegas Fire Department only to be told, “Until you climb a building, you know nothing about the dangers of rescuing people from high-rises.”

Skyscraperman’s passion for high-rise firefighting rescue persisted and six months he donned a Spider-Man suit. Using no safety harasses, just suction cups alone Dan began to scale the sheer face of what was then our tallest building on Earth, Chicago’s Sears Tower. It became a harrowing battle high up the building’s side as severe winds and slippery glass were overcome. What made it even more difficult were repeated attempts to stop him made by the Chicago Fire Department. Seven hours later “Dan the Spiderman” as the press dubbed him, reached the top.

Half a year after, the Sears Tower. Disguised as a homeless vagrant Dan approached Dallas, Texas’ 56 story Renaissance Tower. Dan stripped to his Spider-Man suit and up the side he went, almost with ease, just him and his suction cups with Dallas Fireman and Police tried again to arrest him.

During the following press conference Dan assured Chicago that he would return to the challenge their fire commissioner set, the same commissioner who reportedly threatened him, stating, “If you ever come into my city again and try climbing another building, I’ll kill you.” At that conference Dan was for the first time called ‘Skyscraperman.’

Days later Dan returned to Chicago. The battle on the side of the John Hancock building went on for hours finally ending as a result of the Chicago mayor’s intervention.

Goodwin continues to scale buildings and other tall structures including the Parque Central in Caracas, Venezuela, where he trained high-rise rescue and firefighting personnel, and the CN Tower in Toronto, Canada where he went up twice using only his hands and feet, and rappelled twice, all in the same day.

In 1988, Dan Goodwin constructed the world’s tallest climbing wall at Snowbird, Utah, where the first International Sport Climbing Championship was held. It was there he coined the phrase ‘Sport Climbing’. An avid snow boarder and bicyclist, Dan Goodwin continued to challenge himself. He proclaims his mission in life is to “protect people living and working in upper floors of skyscrapers.”

San Francisco’s police chief says he’s having Dan arrested because Dan might hurt himself – or even someone else. I guess if you’ve the mind of a third-world country without enough sense to be a step-aside gawker in case somebody you’re watching ever falls off a building, there may be merit to handcuffing Skyscraper man and locking him up.

So as we go to sleep tonight Dan is behind bars- does it make you feel safer?

Claudia Strasbaugh was a freelance writer who founded Scripps Ranch/Mira Mesa Writer’s Guild, was head writer for the weekly TV show “Kill ‘EM With Comedy,” plus California Bureau Chief for National Lotto World Magazine. Claudia also ran a nonprofit called Dinner On A Dollar. Sadly, Claudia passed away in 2015, but we are pleased to display her writing works.