Brittney Spears’ ‘Femme Fatale’ Free-Masonry or Mindless Disco?

To say Femme Fatale is derivative or even electronic pop leftovers from last year’s prom is missing the point. The new Britney Spears record was created simply for the discos or modern dance palaces, that cater to young people looking to break out of an ‘Intelligent Rut.’ The song writing is poor, but the mixes are crafty, thick with gimmicks that crowd out the ridiculous words on the escalator – so this is perfectly marketed disco dance music, and it makes no difference to cows or dandelions.

I only purchased 3 songs from Femme Fatale, Till the World Ends, Hold It Against Me and I Wanna Go. I got XTC’s Drums and Wires in its entirety, so I couldn’t afford the complete Britney masterpiece. After half-heartedly spinning these three songs a few times, I read about a half-dozen reviews by some prominent pop music critics, like a Village Voice piece by Rich Juzwiak (Britney Spears Runs on [American] Idol), that after some pungent put-downs, does a 180 and praises it.

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Some kind of pressure to hype this record, may be muscle from sponsors or hammer-locks (think Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler) from dreadful Druid fans who populate those disco-hops and need to keep the big beat party pulse palpitating. Don’t know? Money might have something to do with it too. Tabloids, talk shows and AM radio need fuel to keep the machine lubricated. YouTube needs a slice of pie and gets it with Britney’s video for Hold It Against Me. 35 million party clones have rotated that feathery fluff over yonder.

Stupidest thing I’ve ever seen! The gigantic fluffy party prom gown is right out of Stephen King’s Carrie. Then there’s some robotic Barbarella stuff thrown in for good measure, a little gratuitous Kung Fu action, and a good pinch of multi-colored wax melting down a lovely analog TV and running like a river down that aforementioned panoramic white prom dress, that looked so clean and pretty earlier in the video.

No kind of gimmick or chain-saw buzz voice on an electronic keyboard can disguise one of the worse lyric lines I’ve ever heard in my life. Let’s see, I wrote it down a minute ago? Hope I lose this memo pad! “If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me.” That sickly sweet line is repeated way too many times to say how many times here. Oddly enough, Spears pulls it off when the doggerel slithers (would you believe shimmies?) out of her silken throat.

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Can everyday people be this anti-intellectual? I guess they can. I do like that buzz-saw keyboard. It’s like it’s guffawing at the crummy lyrics. The video may be spoiling the party for the song, but if the images help you to forget the words, then they serve a purpose, forgive and forget. Two wrongs don’t make a right, or a good beat doesn’t need competition with interesting words.

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My favorite one is I Wanna Go; I dig the voice pulsating with a sample stutter that gives it a mesmerizing motion. The buzz-saw synth perks its grating head again too. It’s like the Energizer Bunny, so I prefer to lift barbells while listening. It’s workout music, me thinks. What else can I say? Nothing. Mindless topless club tune – lap-dance written all over it (just speculating – I date back to the days of Carol DoDo).

Ah!!! This is like the Saw series. Till the World Ends has those fruity voice samples again with the designer drug echo turned up to Eleven, as in Bo Derek.

You 50 million robot-clone-fans don’t send me hate mail, just because you were duped by this pseudo-dance-diva. What’s that about when the mix on Till the World Ends goes gray? Let’s see, let me return to some sanity with XTC’s Drums and Wires.