How to Become the World’s Worst Business Coach

Did you know that according to IBIS World, the business coach industry was worth $11 billion in the year 2017. Close to 88,222 professionals worked as coaches while around 51,946 agencies provided coaching services to entrepreneurs. The surprising factor is that despite the availability of excellent assistance, close to 50% of new businesses fail within their first four years.

So What Exactly is Going Wrong Here?

Are entrepreneurs not taking advantage of the availability of the services? Or, are the business coaches simply not efficient enough?

Not too long ago, Arman Sadeghi wrote an incredibly informative article on “How to Become a Good Business Coach.” As Arman explains to entrepreneurs, it’s important to have information about the entire aspects of running a successful business. You need a lot more skills than just developing and selling a product. And a good business coach can assist you in acquiring those skills.

What exactly constitutes a bad coach? How do you differentiate between a professional who knows what he’s talking about, and one who is just a sham? How exactly do you go on about avoiding the fakes? To help you figure this one out, we’ve done a 180 and compiled a guide detailing how to become bad business coach. So if you’re interested in learning about the red flags you should avoid, or if you just honestly want a laugh, keep reading.

How to Become the Best Sham Business Coach? A Guide on The Best Tricks

1. You Don’t Need Business Experience:

Sure, some people say you might want to hire a business coach who has, you know, actual experience in the field. After all, you wouldn’t hire a doctor whose diagnoses are essentially informed by the University Of Google, right? Wrong. We think Google is a brilliant resource, especially for those aspiring to become business coaches for entrepreneurs. Having actual business experience? Pfft, totally overrated.

2. Create an Incredible Website! That Should Do the Trick!

They say actions speak louder than words…but clearly whoever “they” are never heard of compelling copy!

If you want to be a coach, nowadays it’s easier than ever. Overhead costs are at an all-time low, which means you really can just set-up a good website and be good to go. This is GREAT NEWS. All we need to do is create an impressive-looking website and sell promises we have no clue how to deliver on, and voila! We have our first client!

We especially recommend that you promise wealth within a week, and make it absolutely impossible for dissatisfied clients to get their money back. Don’t even think about actually offer a refund policy for unhappy customers. That’s just silly stuff trustworthy and successful business coaches do!

3. Make Your Clients Feel They Absolutely Can’t Survive Without You

If you’re the coach, you’ll want to make yourself indispensable.

Ignore all the psychological research released by authoritative sources like the National Center for Biotechnology Information that shows positive and supportive coaches are the best. After all, these experts have the qualifications and relevant experience which we have already established are useless things. Make sure you put your client down all the time, belittling their aspirations every chance you get. Bonus points if you absolutely refuse to listen to anything they say, and give unrelated advice. Like, for instance, how to fix their marriages when all they need advice is on the quarterly performance of the company.

4. Ensure Your Clients Have No Way Of Measuring Their Progress

This is the ultimate key to being an excellent but clueless business coach. If you never set a measurable goal, your client need never know you (and, they!) are failing! Miserably! Avoid a results-oriented approach. That way, your clients will have no way of knowing that the money they’re investing in your assistance is a total waste. And, that the expert guidance they think they’re getting is actually available for free on Google.

5. Treat Your Client Like a Statistic

This is an ingenious way to kill two birds with one stone. Treating your client like a statistic ensures that they always fall short of the success that other entrepreneurs are achieving. And, they’ll always feel the need to keep coming back to you for more advice to develop that all-important edge over the competition.

One brilliant way to remind your client they are just one of many? Make your sessions as unfocused as possible, giving each the same generic, impersonal advice that has very little to do with their individual needs. Just keep telling your clients that others are doing it and performing well.

Alright, Time to Go Back to Being Serious!

As you can see, it’s clearly not too hard to be a bad business coach! Sadly, however, there are quite a few out there. Ready to look for the right assistance? This feature on Slideshare reveals what an expert professional should be providing you. Take a look and you’ll understand how to identify the right person who has the expertise to help your business succeed.

  1. Avoid falling for marketing gimmicks. Make sure your business coach offers more than just a pretty website and has substance to boot. In other words, ensure they have business experience.
  2. Work with a coach that actually listens to you and your individual needs, while also giving good practical advice. Like expert business coach, Arman Sadeghi explains, “You have to focus your attention on the other person and the message, both verbal and nonverbal, they’re sending. A good business coach treats their client as if they are the most important thing on their mind.”
  3. Ensure he or she is a positive, encouraging, and supportive force in your life. That doesn’t mean that they are always praising you. They can, and should, offer constructive criticism, but they should also do it in a way that ultimately motivates rather than deflates.
  4. Make sure the coach offers a results-oriented approach and, while encouraging, is also realistic and honest about what you can achieve together. If they promise success in one day? Look for the exit. Now

Business coaches can help you make a resounding success of your company. But, you need to find the right professional who can make that happen. Use these guidelines to identify the right expert and you’re sure to achieve whatever you set your heart on.

Melissa Thompson writes about a wide range of topics, revealing interesting things we didn’t know before. She is a freelance USA Today producer, and a Technorati contributor.