Joe Garnett

Ooh deary deary me readers, tomorrow is Election Day, and I still haven't thought of anyone I'd like to vote. As I said previously, vote I must, but whom do tick on that extra soft, kind to the skin, valet roll?

We are living in difficult times, dear public. Mount Effueudhfgdsughski has erupted and invisible swaths of Icelandic dust is filling our skies, shutting down British air travel and giving asthmatics time off work.

Unless you've been living a small mountain cave somewhere in Scotland, or inside an MP's bottom, you'll be well aware that we are in a recession.

Today was one of those days, where a big chunk of quiche poked out of the BBC's Iceland party platter, it was marvellous. And it leads me on to a question.

Have you ever wondered how many times a day we are exposed to persuasive adverts, sometimes without even knowing? No, me neither. But I am now. When I wake up I put the telly on, and it's full of fat men shouting 'Go compare!' at me.