There is tragic news for many Hillary-backers. Shockingly 17 “celebrities” have threatened to leave the country if Donald Trump wins the presidential election. Brace yourself for the exodus of:
– Lena Durham (who?) Canada
– Raven Symone (who?) Canada
– Miley Cyrus (oh please don’t go!) Parts unknown
– Cher (she’s still alive?) She says Jupiter (is that far enough for us?)
– Whoopi Goldberg (what a tragedy!) Parts unknown
– Rosie O’Donnell (The Donald will be in mourning for sure) Parts unknown
– Samuel L. Jackson (We’ll miss that festering anger) South Africa (Has he asked them if that’s OK?)
– Neve Campbell (Maybe she can learn to act in … . Canada)
– The Reverend Al Sharpton – South Africa (I don’t think the IRS will let Al go without paying millions in taxes
– Jon Stewart – Another planet (Hope he has enough oxygen to hate Republicans and conservatives up there)
– George Lopez – Parts unknown (Come on George, Mexico right? You’ll be the only “star” going there interestingly)
– Chelsea Handler – Spain (No real publicity for you there sad Chelsea. Nobody knows who the hell you are!)
– Eddie Griffin – Africa (Is al Qaeda in your future?)
– Chloe Sevigny – Canada (Gee Canada, so many “stars for your citizens”; who is Chloe?)
– Natasha Lyonne – Parts unknown (Who are these people?)
– Omari Hardwick – Italy (Will Italy have a brass band ready for Omari when he/she lands?)
– Bryan Cranston – Canada (Maybe Bryan can set up the type of business he has in Breaking Bad?)
Sadly for Republicans/conservatives, the following “stars” who made threats to leave in 2000 and again in 2004 if George W. Bush won, never did. They are:
– Alec Baldwin and his now divorced partner, Kim Bassinger – (Hey! I’ll pay the one-way ticket for Baldwin.)
– Tina Fey – (How about taking the whole cast of your past sitcom? Alec said he is history – Urge him!)
– Barbra Streisand – (Give mentally exhausted hubby, James Brolin a breather so he can find an upgrade)
– Robert Altman – (Bob, how about Russia where you can make hate films about them and their system?)
– Sean Penn – (I am sure your ex-wife Robin Wright will take care of your travel arrangements. How about Venezuela to be with your Communist pal, Hugo Chavez. Whoops! He’s still dead, Sean)
That’s your list of “celebrities” leaving and those who lied to us and stayed! Maybe the following would consider taking off:
– Susan Sarandon, and please take your ex, Tim Robbins
– The Reverend Jesse Jackson maybe take The Reverend Louis Farrakhan with you please!
– Former Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA) Maybe some country can use your expertise on ruining the housing industry?
– Al Gore and all his global warming, or is it global cooling pals
– The entire cast of “The View,” minus the sane conservative
– Matt Damon and his pal Ben Affleck
– Sen. Bernie Sanders (Maybe Russia where you had your second honeymoon)
– Rep. Maxine Waters (D-LA, CA)
– Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg
– Ninety-nine percent of Silicon Valley tech executives
– Ninety percent of Hollywood actors, actresses, producers and directors
– Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel – Toughest gun laws in the nation and your city is better called Dodge City
– Sen. Elizabeth Warren – Maybe head to your Cherokee reservation since you are 1/32 of that race. Hey, it got you through Harvard paying zero as a “Native American!”
– Hillary Clinton, if she’s not already in prison and her running mate obnoxious and Howdy Doody face Sen. Tim (I object!) Kaine
– DNC interim chairwoman Donna Brazille – We know Doona, you’re a Christian woman and feel persecuted for lying about questions give to Pantsuit before the Bernie debates. Right? Talk to God about that.
– Hillary Clinton’s entire campaign staff and close aides. Oh, take corrupt Attorney General Loretta Lynch too.
– Debbie Blabbermouth Schultz – Maybe a hair stylist in some far away planet?
– Joe Biden – Please God, do not even think of him as secretary of state.
– The commentators at MSLSD. Bye Rachael.
Fill in your own choices: _________________________________________________