Airport Do’s and Don’ts

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In my oh-so-nomadic past, thank-you-very-much-to-long-distance-love, I spent much of my time in airports. On such occasions of ennui, I observed. People watched for violations of social norm. Yes, I know. Social norms are like morals. They can depend on the person. But, I am confident that the “average” person who reads this article will whole-heartedly agree with my acerbic wit or at least appreciate it.

It’s OK…

to wait for the person in the aisle seat to get up before wriggling into your middle seat.

It’s not OK…

to crawl over that person for any reason at all. It is also not okay to expect the person in the window seat to crawl over you, the middle seat person.

It’s OK…

to ask a Southwest passenger what his/her boarding number is.

It’s not OK…

to assume his/her number is higher than yours, and therefore, you must huff and puff your way in front of him/her. We commonly make it a point to have our boarding passes in clear visibility for this very reason. Open your eyes, Newbie.

It’s OK…

to ask the Southwest gate agent for an exception in boarding order because your 8 year old granddaughter has a B boarding pass and you have a C boarding pass.

It’s not Ok…

to ask anyone else, what-so-ever, to swap boarding passes with you because they no longer check IDs at the gate. It’s illegal, and I like the fact that I am not on the no-fly list. I plan to ensure it stays that way, thank-you-very-much.

It’s OK…

to kindly and sweetly ask someone to swap seats with you so you can sit with your 8 year old granddaughter. Even if the seat available is a middle seat in the back. Single people have big hearts sometimes.

It’s not OK…

to assume that no one will swap with you and then proceed to tell your daughter (the girl’s mother) on the phone that you DID ask and NO ONE would swap. The nerve of people… However, I deem that it is OK for one of the nearby passengers to take the phone and tell the daughter the truth.

It’s OK…

to strike up conversation with a fellow traveller.

It’s not OK…

to strike up conversation with anyone who is immersed in a book, wearing headphones, on a cell phone, or in conversation with anyone else. Period.

It’s OK…

to flirt with a pretty girl while waiting to board. It’s even okay to ask her if you can sit next to her.

It’s not OK…

to sit next to her or to follow her if her end of the conversation sounds like this in any way : “Yeah. It was nice meeting you too…Oh. Umm…I think I am just going to sit back there. Thanks though.” She rejected you. Face it. Don’t be THAT guy. The reverse is also true ladies!

It’s OK…

to sit down in a seat at the airport.

It’s not OK…

to stay seated if you are within the ages of 15-49 if an elderly couple would like to sit next to each other, a pregnant woman looks like her baby may fall out of her, a single parent of multiple children is frantically looking for multiple seats together, or…here’s the best one…you see a guide dog sniffing for two empty seats. When a person loses one sense, the other senses become stronger. She knows who you are. Shame on you.

Have you observed something yourself? Please. By all means, let’s continue the discussion…