A Fried Palin/Brady Sandwich

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There are weeks I wish I was Elvis Presley. Not the slick-looking, shark-skin-suite-wearing young Elvis, no, no, no: I wish that every week, I’m talking about the older, fuller, Elvis, fine, FAT Elvis, who hung around Graceland for weeks at a time eating bizarre sandwiches and shooting the TV when he saw something that irritated him. That Elvis.

But alas, I only have one TV to shoot and money is tight these days, so there really isn’t any point in doing that until the big HD switchover in February. Then, like an old racehorse, the only polite thing to do will be to take it in the backyard to a pre-dug hole and empty a clip into it. So for now, my old tube model has a reprieve from the firing squad, though sometimes it is tempting to put it out of its misery.

In the last couple of weeks, on television, we got to see grown men, professional reporters, get blubbery at the idea of an NFL season without Tom Brady. The city of Boston bussed in dozens of grief counselors to deal with this crisis and hired planes carrying giant banners reminding citizens that their city is both the current MLB and NBA champions, to patterns around the city every two hours.

In New York the papers celebrated, then they anointed Brett Favre, I mean the Jets, the new toast of the AFC East. High-fives, hugs, even a few tears of joy filled sports bars all over the tri-state area, and hours of analysis filled up every sports show on every sports channel, trying to come to a solid conclusion if the NFL, and maybe America, can survive this devastating injury.

But if sports isn’t your thing maybe you caught some of the other weird things dancing around the screen these last few weeks:

-Rudy Giuliani, the former mayor of New York City taking a break from watching the Yankees die in his luxury box, accused Barack Obama of being too cosmopolitan.

-The term “community leader” has apparently become a racial term, and watch out “community center” and “community college” because you’re next.

-Sarah Palin needed clarification about the Bush Doctrine in her first nationally televised interview.

-The Democrats are starting to trail in the polls of what, just a few weeks ago, looked like a sure thing in November.

-Seven years later there is still a giant hole at Ground Zero.

And finally, while it appears New Orleans dodged a bullet, Texas got hit the hardest in the hurricane lotto this time, while salivating news crews in slickers finally got their shots of smashed windows, devastated buildings and water trailing down main street.

Things are falling back into that old strange rhythm and it’s starting to feel like 2004 again, the Republicans are stepping up their game. No real substance but a lot of pointed rhetoric that makes for good headlines.

Sarah Palin appears to be a quick study in these kinds of politics: she doesn’t have anything to say but she knows how to attack, and she knows how to deflect. Stick and move stick and move. The Democrats seem content not jumping on the offensive, but would rather sit back and point out that Republicans are not playing fair, which will likely lead to President Maverick and Vice President Soccer Mom come January.

But what do I care? Right now I just want a nice fried peanut butter and banana sandwich and to listen to my blue vinyl copy of Elvis at the Garden 1972, while I try to pull myself together enough to watch a football game.

Shaun McGann lives in New Jersey and writes fiction, some of which can be read at bleak07.blogspot.com He also has a terrible addiction to American history and politics, which he often feels the need to comment on in late night typed out rants.