Trumping The State of the Union By Catching Some Zzzzzs

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WASHINGTON – (Newsblaze) – It could be that today, Alan Gray, the esteemed publisher of NewsBlaze, phones me here in America from our global headquarters outside the Australian capital of Canberra, to ask me if I plan to watch the State of the Union as their White House Correspondent.

I will tell him that he can go to Tasmania. We have to keep our journalistic edge over our competition and our dendrites and synapses firing as well.

Watching that speech won’t do the trick.

Obama’s final State of the Union, which will be delivered Tuesday night on Capitol Hill, comes as UCLA researchers this past week discovered that eating late night snacks hampers your ability to recall information.

The UK Daily mail cites that lab rats fed during their normal sleep time were less likely to remember and recall objects placed in front of them.

“We have provided the first evidence that taking regular meals at the wrong time of day has far-reaching effects for learning and memory,” said Dr. Dawn Loh of the UCLA Laboratory of Circadian and Sleep Medicine.

And there you have it, the perfect metaphor for the Obama speech being force fed that late night piece of cheese and not being able to remember where the actual labor force participation rate numbers are or why hundreds of millions of dollars could only fund four or five trained Syrian rebels to fight ISIS.

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So how is Cody Keenan, Obama’s chief speechwriter, going to propagandize to those lab rats eating their cheese late at night? Keenan will deliver copy that scientists and researchers say is nowhere near the Ernest Hemingway nickname or probable Secret Service codename the President gave his staffer.

According to a team of grammatical experts at the website Priceonomics, the reading level of the State of the Union speech is in major decline. They point out James Madison delivered graduate level oratory at the 21st grade level. Unfortunately for us, the lowest level came from our Harvard-educated President Barrack Obama, at the 9th Grade level.

The Priceonomics team concluded that on the present trajectory White House speechwriters are taking their audiences, “State of the Union speeches will be targeted towards kindergarteners (reading level 0) by the year 2243.”

Should the political world take the advice of this column and wait for highlights on Rush Limbaugh the next day? If not, then viewer needs to be ready for bouts of stuttering and loquacious uses of “first person sigular” words such as “I” “Me” and “my,” for which this President has been known to set records. In this category he uttered those words 199 times in a single speech.

That level of nausea would really set us back when we need to be focused on what President Earnest has to say the next day.

Obama speeches have such low journalistic value that we at Newsblaze have even give up our seat in the White House briefing room for the President’s year end News conference.

When all is said and done, on Tuesday night what will matter will not be what the President says, or even what South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley says in the Republican Response. What will matter is the 140 character tweet the Donald can articulate afterwards. That’s what to watch for, and that is why we aren’t watching this time. Trump won’t need a speechwriter.

Randy Foreman is the NewsBlaze White House Correspondent, reporting from inside and outside The White House and around the beltway in Washington, D.C.