Trump’s New Hotline Bombarded with Calls about Law-Breaking Aliens

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I’ll be the first to say it: I’m not a big fan of “The Donald,” mainly because I am a big fan of the human race and don’t want to see it end in a cataclysm of pointless violence. Still, I’m in the UK, so aside from the occasional threat of World War 3, I can avoid the hypocrisy, the bigotry and the borderline psychopathy that is synonymous with the Trump reign and simply treat his life and his presidency like an amusing series of a political sitcom.

The day that he inevitably changes military law to try and make himself the supreme commander and ruler of the world will cause me some concern, but until that season finale, I can merely enjoy a few episodes following his shenanigans.

And I must say, I really enjoy the latest episode, in which our protagonist created a hotline for “criminal aliens,” and was then promptly trolled by the Twitterati.

Martian Voices

On the 26th of April, the Department of Homeland Security opened an office by the name of VOICE. According to BBC News, the purpose of this was to: “serve the needs of crime victims and their families who have been impacted by crimes committed by removable criminal aliens” which reads so poorly I can only assume Trump wrote it himself.

Twitter users were quick to point out that this launch fell on “Alien Day,” which was created to celebrate the Alien film franchise. And so the shenanigans began. Within a matter of hours, the phones were ringing off the hook with people reporting everything from alien attacks to minor laws broken by extraterrestrials.

Here are a few of the best comments taken from Twitter:

From @_Notwhite

Called Trump’s “VOICE” hotline for people to report “illegal aliens.” I reported seeing a bloated orange humanoid.

@TattonTreks

Just called in an alien attack from Planet Voltron to the ICE VOICE hotline.

@Dpolar1

Just tried to call to report the theft of my tractor by space cadets – on hold for 8 minutes had to abandon, will call again!

@XLeoTheGreatX

Seriously, I will be calling 1-855-48-VOICE very soon and very about about ET, Alien, probably Predator too, about they crimes they committed.

@Carrionier

Gonna keep calling the VOICE hotline today and spoiling Alien: Covenant for every operator.

If you’ve sported any little green men breaking the law in your local area, be sure to give the hotel a ring yourself: 1 855 488 6423