Christians Say The World Ends This Year – Can I Have Your Stuff?


When I think religion, I begin to think about everything in this world in history that has gone wrong and completely failed. I don’t know why – I’m sure religion isn’t the reason for the utter failure of everything over time, but I can’t quite ascertain the cause of such a broad thought.

Maybe it’s these Christians saying the world is going to be destroyed by fire come October 21 of this year?

Now, forgive me if this sounds all too familiar and I dismiss it almost immediately – but I’m dismissing this immediately. Luckily, this Christian organization is just remote and podunk enough to not be taken seriously by a majority.

According to the nutjobs at E-Bible Fellowship, the Day of Judgment is May 21, 2011 and the end of days is October 21, 2011. Their evidence? The Bible. A litany of chapters and verses spread out interminably throughout their website, RVs and cars they probably bought with collection money from their congregants is supposedly proof that the end of days is a mere five months down the road.

The church that became famous for this prophecy is none other than Family Radio Worldwide, a church which also states that gay pride is a sign from God that the end is near. The leader of this cult – I mean – church, 89 year old Harold Camping, states that the proof of all of this can be found in 2 Peter 3:8. Before that great flood, Noah was told by God the flood would happen in seven days. So these kooks took this verse and multiplied by seven: “one day with the Lord as a thousand years and a thousand years as one day.”

The big nasty flood, of course, was in 4990 B.C. Seven thousand years later puts that number at the year 2011. They also use some more obscure Bible verses to hammer their point home, such as God gave the world 7,000 years to escape destruction.

There you have it, folks – we have FIVE MONTHS to live! What will you do with your remaining days? I say that if you truly believe the end is near and God is coming to save you, you probably won’t need money. Fear not! I can hold onto your earthly, useless cash as you ascend into the great unknown – you know it’s in good hands! Besides, it’s not like you’ll need it anymore. That being said, I can also look after vehicles.

Sadly enough, these people might just be foolish enough to fall into a trap like that. Just listen to the words of one believer per The Washington Post: “If May 21 passes and I’m still here, that means I wasn’t saved. Does that mean God’s word is inaccurate or untrue? Not at all.” So you’re telling me that if this grand event that you’ve been prognosticating doesn’t occur, you won’t be the least bit skeptical? You won’t challenge the sensationalized and contrived stories you’ve been needlessly fed by these imbeciles? This is the problem with faith – no logic whatsoever.

Would it be too repetitious of me to offer to assume all of your assets and belongings again, believers?

Let’s look at that quote they’re fooling around with again: “one day with the lord as a thousand years and a thousand years as a day.” Since when did the word “as” become “is”? What these fictional people are likely saying in the Bible is that a day with God is like a thousand years, but isn’t really – hence the usage of “as.” Now, if it said “is” then I’d be packing on my asbestos suit. That’s obviously facetious – unlike a lot of Christians, my logic isn’t contingent on some arbitrary Bible verse.

There you finally have it, folks – a legion of people believe the world will end in a matter of months based on the misinterpretation of one two-letter word. I have saved you all from blowing your life savings on arks and galoshes – no thanks are necessary.

John Danz Jr is a serious writer with a penchant for poetry and building a foundation in every form of writing. He is motivated by a never-ending thirst for informed knowledge and the feeling of accomplishment that comes with every completed poem or story.

A drummer drawn to classic and modern rock/metal music, John is deeply interested in meteorology, psychology, sociology and philosophy. Weather has always fascinated him, he wants to know why people do what they do, understand the cultures of the world, reflect on great minds and gain a better understanding of this world and our place in it.