Mysterious Sounds At Indian Reservation Attributed to Bigfoot

By Robert Paul Reyes  

"Some residents of the Umatilla Indian Reservation in Oregon say they believe mysterious cries coming from a nearby swamp are being made by Bigfoot.

Colleen Chance, a tribal housing authority employee on the reservation, located east of Pendleton, said the cries were first reported last month and there are many theories as to what animals are making the sounds.

'It's kind of spooky,' she said 'Some say it's foxes, some say it's a female coyote and some say it's Sasquatch. I don't know what it is.'"

A wildlife program manager for the tribes believes cougars are the culprit. Hmm, I don't think so; I can't imagine Demi Moore would vacation near an Indian Reservation. Shouldn't that be a "Native American Reservation?"

The ungodly sounds are probably emanating from the van of a dude with a bumper sticker that reads: If this van is rocking, don't bother knocking.

The Umatilla Indian Reservation Chamber of Commerce probably started the rumor that Bigfoot was behind the unholy racket. Bigfoot has a lot more sex appeal than coyotes or even a cougar like Madonna.

If the Umatilla Indian Reservation wants to draw tourists, they should just open a damn casino.

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Robert Paul Reyes is a NewsBlaze writer on Politics, Pop Culture and Pointless Pontificating. Contact him by writing to NewsBlaze. Read more stories by Robert Paul Reyes.