Two Oompa Loompas Beat Up Man
"Investigators in Norwich, England, said the three men and one woman who attacked a 28-year-old man after he left a kebab house around 3:20 a.m. Thursday included two men with their skin painted orange and their hair colored green in the style of the characters from 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,' the Norwich Evening News reported Tuesday.
The victim suffered a cut to his right eye, two black eyes, a small cut to the nose and a cut lip, police said.
If I were attacked by a female and two dudes dressed up as Ooompa Loompas, I wouldn't file a police report even if the little bastards left me clinging to my life.
You can recover from two black eyes, and a cut lip and nose, but how can you possibly look at yourself in the mirror after you were beaten up by a couple of Ooompa Loompas?
I guess if you leave a kebab house at three in the morning, you shouldn't be too surprised if a couple of Oompa Loompas make mincemeat out of you.
I just can't believe that an evil Leprechaun didn't steal this dude's wallet and tinkle on his shoes.
I hope the video of the ungodly assault was posted on YouTube; it would be nice to see proof that somebody had a worse start to the New Year than I did.
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Robert Paul Reyes is a NewsBlaze writer on Politics, Pop Culture and Pointless Pontificating. Contact him by writing to NewsBlaze. Read more stories by Robert Paul Reyes.
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