Top Ten Worst Things About Christmas

FRUITCAKES

I don't need any more paper weights.

EGGNOG
Usually things that are frothy are fun and taste good. But I'd rather get drunk drinking moonshine.

TIES
My family and friends know I'm a jeans and T-shirt kind of guy; the only time I wear a suit is when someone dies or gets married. So why do I get a bunch of freakin' ties every damn Christmas?

MISTLETOE
These parasitic plants may attract bugs, but they haven't motivated any ho's to kiss me. HO, HO, HO! Yeah, Right.

SANTA CLAUS

If I see another wino making a few bucks during the Holidays by donning a red suit, I will set him on fire.

CHRISTMAS SONGS
Why the hell do they keep playing Christmas songs from the 50's on the radio?

CHRISTMAS STOCKINGS
This is a silly tradition, you can't fit a computer in a stocking, and damn an adult movie DVD won't even fit.

FOX NEWS ANNUAL WAR ON CHRISTMAS TOMFOOLERY
I know that the Fox News female anchors are super-hot, but enough with the "war on Xmas" nonsense.

CHRISTMAS BEGGARS
Beggars should hide inside dumpsters during the Christmas season. How can we be "Happy and Jolly" and all that crap when they keep begging us for money?

CHRISTMAS TOP TEN LISTS
Come on dudes, this is too easy a way to write a Christmas article.

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Robert Paul Reyes is a NewsBlaze writer on Politics, Pop Culture and Pointless Pontificating. Contact him by writing to NewsBlaze. Read more stories by Robert Paul Reyes.

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