NEWS

WIRES

OTHER

OFW Kids Face Separation Anxiety and Loneliness

By Womens Feature Service

Maria (name changed) is 14 years old. One of three siblings, she lives with her grandparents, goes to a good private school and is popular with her friends. But there are times when she feels very lonely and depressed. That's because Maria desperately misses her mother, who lives and works as a professional caregiver in Singapore. In fact, Maria gets to meet her mother only during the holidays and even then her mother's attention is divided among all her sisters.

Of course, Maria is not the only Filipino teenager dealing with feelings of anxiety and abandonment. According to a study by the Asia Pacific Policy Center, there are today more than eight million children in the Philippines grappling with these issues, as six out of ten families have at least one parent living abroad.

The Philippine Overseas Employment Administration puts the number of Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs) anywhere between 8.6 million to 11 million. Away from their families, they work as doctors, nurses, engineers, entertainers, caregivers, domestic helpers and maids, just to ensure their children have a more secure future. But while life may have certainly become better for their children in financial terms, the absence of parental guidance is taking a toll on their emotional well-being.

Psychotherapist Dr Angelo Subida, whose clients include OFWs and their families, says, "There is a difference between parenting and providing. The social, psychological, and emotional costs of parents going abroad are huge. It may have its financial benefits, but it hurts the family, especially the children."

Separation anxiety and loneliness apart, Dr Subida says that such children - forced to grow up before they are ready for the responsibility - often turn resentful towards their missing parent. Among teenagers, the rebellion can lead to problems like gambling, drinking, drug addiction and even unwanted pregnancies.

Moreover, in the absence of any emotional connection, "these children end up associating their parents only with money, gifts and phone calls", reveals a study cited in the book 'Coming Home: Women, Migration and Reintegration' brought out by Balikbayani Foundation and Atikha Foundation.

Of course, things have become a little better in the recent years. First, despite the geographical distance, connectivity has become better and more affordable. Today, through social networking sites like Facebook and free internet voice call services like Skype, parents can keep up with the day-to-day happenings in their children's lives. Phone calls too have become cheaper with local service providers offering favourable rates. Says Dr Subida, "At least with the help of new forms of technology like mobile phones and the Internet, the OFW families can keep in touch through regular communication."

However, what has really helped children like Maria is the presence of support groups, counselling sessions and youth camps. Dr Subida says, "Sharing problems and experiences with others in a similar situation can be very therapeutic. A good way for OFW kids to cope is to come together to form support groups. They can pour out their concerns to one another and know that they are not alone in their situation."

Seeing the rising demand for such initiatives, NGOs and faith-based groups have not only formed support groups but also offer regular one-on-one counselling. School-based counselling services are also making a huge difference. For instance, the guidance centre at St. Mary's College of Baliuag in the Province of Bulacan, north of capital Manila, has a specific programme for OFW children. Students from Grade School to High School levels are helped though various emotional issues as they learn to adjust to a changed way of life.

At Ateneo de Manila University's UGAT Foundation, their Panatag programme reaches out to OFW families to help them cope with strains caused by separation. The programme has youth-focused modules that help youngsters address different aspects and stages of their parents' absence. "We hold Anak (Filipino for "offspring") workshops for OFW children to address their loneliness and relationships. It includes a mentoring programme that covers different topics and a youth camp that lasts three days and two nights," informs Programme Manager Carlos Lagaya. Through activities like treasure hunts, team-building games and a cultural night, children discover new talents and gain confidence.

"The feedback from our youth camps has always been positive. Children are able to develop a more positive self-image as they come to terms with their emotional wounds of being left behind and start thinking ahead," says Lagaya. And he's not wrong. Some past campers certainly rave about this programme. "It felt like a thorn was pulled off my chest because things became clearer to me," says one camper, not wishing to be named. Adds another youngster, "I realised that my parents were enduring great hardships for me. I am going to be a better student."

Recreational therapy, like arts workshops, has emerged as another important tool. Atikha Overseas Workers and Communities Initiative Inc., a non-profit organisation, runs summer arts workshops where children learn puppetry, script writing, accessory-making, T-shirt printing and painting. Says an Atikha spokesperson, "These workshops help them discover their potential, hone their talent and allow them to express themselves through arts. The techniques and knowledge they gain gives them confidence to do better in school and in the community." Dr Subida, too, endorses recreational therapy. "I've been doing chess therapy for one of my clients because he showed an interest in it and it helps him focus," he reveals.

While help is now readily at hand for families of OFWs, not everyone is so open and willing to go in for professional counselling. In fact, according to Dr Subida, even today most Filipinos are resistant to the idea of going to a hospital for therapy as they associate hospitals with sicknesses.

To get around this problem, Dr Subida offers alternative counselling where he meets clients in malls, coffee shops, parks and other public spaces to talk. "While many turn to friends, relatives and extended family members, a number of OFW children feel they do not have any trusted adults to confide in and just need someone neutral to talk to," he says. This also applies for the spouses who have to deal with loneliness and become more vulnerable to marital infidelity. "From my experience, I have realised that we have to change our thinking that the only way to get a better life is to leave the country. After all, what's more important - cash or the family?" asks Dr Subida.

Womens Feature Service covers developmental, political, social and economic issues in India and around the globe. To get these articles for your publication, contact WFS at the www.wfsnews.org website.