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Advice for Kate Middleton on The Eve of Her Wedding

By Dr Judy Kuriansky

As Kate Middleton prepares to marry Prince William, noted psychologist Dr. Judy Kuriansky has some advice for her as she steps into a role hugely overshadowed by her deceased mother-in-law -the beloved but beleaguered Princess Diana - and faces likely challenges that set up warning bells for me as a psychologist. The famous couples counselor, who has given advice to thousands of couples over her years as a popularl radio call-in advice host and who teaches at Columbia University Teachers College, says:

"Kate is wearing Diana's engagement ring that Prince William gave her which brings Diana's energy into her life. This gesture of love, acknowledgment, and honor which many people (including myself) do, also has psychological implications in being what is called a "transitional object" that evokes consciousness about the person to which it is associated. The ring brings the energy of not only Diana, but also of her marriage to Prince Charles especially since Kate wears it on the finger associated with marriage and we all know the disaster that turned into. I wear the two-piece diamond rings my dad and stepfather gave my mom, with the specific intention to bring their loving bonds into my life, but they both loved my mom exclusively until each man died. I would humbly suggest Kate take the ring off after they marry, and cherish it from afar.

Kate has apparently lost a considerable amount of weight n recent weeks. Diana, as we know, suffered from the eating disorder of bulimia (binging and purging). Of course, some brides lose weight purposefully before their wedding day (there is even a TV show about this goal) or as a result of pre-ceremony stress. But if Kate is susceptible to weight loss, a specter of eating disorder looms in the future.

Eating disorders derive from feeling out of control of your life and the pressure to be perfect. Certainly as Kate assumes her new royal role, she will be under pressure and not be in control of everything about her life. She is apparently already being trained in the intense protocols about how to be the wife of the future king. Given that Kate has been independent and even been controversial (e.g. strutting down a catwalk in risque attire, and wearing a chest-baring gown), she is vulnerable to rebellion. Becoming a royal rebel was part of Diana downfall. While Kate appears to be well accepted by the Queen now, one hopes that her independent spirit does not stray her too afar.

Speaking of pressure, since the new royal couple is expected to put a fresh face on the monarchy which choosing Diana was also intended to do.What will that translate into for Kate? Diana wanted to be the symbol of the new modern woman, and the "Queen of the people's hearts" (in which she succeeded) Kate needs to be aware of expectations of the royal family and of the public and also of what it means to be "modern." In other words "how cool" or youthful is she supposed to dress or act to be considered the new face of the monarchy? Certainly avoiding sex scandals will be crucial. In that vein, Kate already seems to have distanced herself from a stripper cousin, and her tattooed Uncle Gary who reportedly dated a lapdancer, cut cocaine and ran a Spanish villa called La Maison de Bang Bang (translated into "House of Sex"), where Prince William and Miss Middleton holidayed, may already have been tamed.

In this regard, what will Kate do in order to be a "role model"? Whose shoes might she choose to follow? One report speculated that the couple might adopt a child from another country, like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, to show their humanitarianism and their concern (and England's?) for others less fortunate. Kate and William will have to examine to what extent their choices emanate from their own desires or to please others. Kate will also likely need to identify some "issues" that she chooses to promote as part of her royal duties, like Diana's campaign against land mines and any controversy that might ignite.

While every girl who dreams of marrying a Prince now envies Kate's luck in snaring hers, it is not easy for to be under the scrutiny a Cinderella will face. Diana certainly couldn't handle that so well (ironically her name "Diana" means "Goddess of the Hunt" and Princess Diana was certainly hunted, by the press and everyone else, all her life). Kate needs to be prepared for what Today show co-host Kathie Lee Gifford said at a recent luncheon at the Friars Club about how such public persona lives not just in the spotlight but under a microscope and that there is a difference between the two in that "living under the microscope burns everything in its way."

Another warning, that I, as a psychologist with a strong analytic background, feel entitled to pose: Kate might do well to be wary of the implications of William surpassing his father as future King. Being a Freud fan (especially after seeing the currently running play "Freud's Last Session"), I can't help but think about William having any Oedipal-type guilt. Technically an Oedipal complex means the young boy wants to "kill daddy to marry mommy." In this case, William has been earmarked to replace daddy's role (i.e. kill him as King), and symbolically can be seen as marrying mommy in that Kate wears mommy's engagement ring. Okay, you can question that leap, but I would pay attention to how that guilt may play out in future, for example, how William may unconsciously be concerned, when and if the couple have a male child, about how that will affect his own future and position. Freud fans can come up with other possible interpretations of this scenario.

Finally, as a couples counselor, I would advise Kate to keep track of her compatibility with her husband, to insure that they have enough overlapping commonalities and enough differences to keep them attracted to each other. This was a problem for Williams' parents. Early in Diana and Charles' marriage, their too-divergent differences became apparent and divisive. The much-older Charles was committed to his royal duties, fishing, hunting and polo while his more naive (and specifically chosen to be virginal) bride was caught up in more controversial causes, the world of fashion, music and media. At the moment, the new couple seem to be compatible. Unlike Diana and Charles who barely knew each other when they wed, Kate and William are contemporaries, went to school together, dated for seven years (likely being intimate during that time) and even survived a separation. All this bodes a better prognosis for their weathering any future storms and the challenges that any coupling "no matter how royal brings."