Osama bin Laden, Al Qaeda CEO Uses Sex to Attract New Recruits

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Like you I receive dozens of e-mails daily and most of them get deleted immediately. There isn't enough time in the day to read each and every e-mail that comes into my inbox. But occasionally the odd message catches my attention and I keep it for a while before deletion. A few days ago I received such an e-mail which I found funny and relevant to the subject of this article and I like to share it with you.

But first I would like to explain that Islamic extremists use the promise of sex to recruit Muslim young men to blow themselves up among unsuspecting crowds to achieve political or military ends. The brain-washers reassure the hopeful recruit that upon death some 72 virgins will be waiting for him to fulfil all his erotic needs forever. Muslim scholars dispute this. Whilst the arguments rage and the fatwa's (edicts or pronouncements by Imams or religious leaders) are issued left right and centre, the suicide-bombing business is booming in Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan and Somalia.

Back to The e-mail which reads ad verbatim

"Al-Qaeda on Strike"

"Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife.

Emergency talks with Al-Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al-Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after death will be cut by 25% this May from 72 to only 60. The rationale of the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organisation of Occupational Martyrs (B.O.O.M) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press; "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, Al-Qaeda's chief executive Osama bin Laden explained " We sympathise with our workers concerns but Al-Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands.

He told the BBC News, they are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.

Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off which means big job losses. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up".

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland and Wales stated that the strike would not affect their operations as "There are no virgins in their areas anyway".

Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings, according to a BBC insider who insisted on remaining anonymous, has been put down to the emergence of that Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle* - now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going to paradise."

End of e-mail.

*With my sincere apologies to the talented singer.

Despite the funny side to the e-mail, the killing of civilians for political purposes is not acceptable and must be condemned.

Nehad Ismail is a writer and broadcaster, who writes about issues related to the Middle East from his home in London.