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Can Cloning Save the GOP?

Satire By John Lillpop

Although mainstream media types are celebrating the "landslide" victory of Barack Obama, the truth of the matter is that the final election results were remarkably close.

So close, in fact, that a campaign of "strategic cloning" by the Republicans could have installed the McCain-Palin ticket in the White House and kept Democrats from gaining more than two seats in the Senate.

Here is how it would work:

By simply cloning the mind of President George W. Bush ~5.9 million times, and allocating those minds appropriately in five key states, the world would be a safer place today.

The details:

California:

3,200,000 W. Clones would have given 55 electoral votes to McCain-Palin

New York:

1,700,000 W. Clones would put 31 electoral votes in McCain's column

Pennsylvania:

A mere 601,000 little Dubyas would have made this state a GOP winner!

Ohio:

202,000 Ohioans with better sense would have delivered this one for the good guy.

Georgia

200,000 W. Clones would have sent 15 electoral votes to McCain.

North Carolina:

With a mere pittance of 15,000 George W. Bushes, the Tar Heel state could have done the right thing!

Summary:

With this redistribution of the electoral wealth, McCain would be president with a grand total of 330 electoral votes, Obama would have 208, and your children and grandchildren would have a decent future to look forward to.

In addition, under this scheme, Elizabeth Dole would have retained her Senate seat in North Carolina, and Saxby Chambliss would have won outright in Georgia without the need for a runoff.

In Minnesota, there is no need for cloned voters, but cloning an honest election board to oversee the recount would help give the nod to Republican Norm Coleman over failed comic and Air America host Al Franken.

In Pennsylvania, John Murtha would have been retired at the tender age of 73.

There would be other residual benefits with an additional 5.9 George W. Bushes running loose: Instructors specializing in English as a Second Language (ESL) schools and purveyors of alcohol rehabilitation centers would enjoy unprecedented growth and prosperity.

Cloning: Can it save the GOP?