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Hungry Burglar Caught Because He Left Fingerprints on Bottle of OJ

By Robert Paul Reyes

I live in Lynchburg VA, and ever since the controversial televangelist Jerry Falwell passed away last year, my small burg no longer makes the national news.

Nothing of consequence happens in my fair city, a fender bender on Main Street doesn't have any national or international repercussions.

But today I was shocked to discover that Lynchburg made the national news, unfortunately it was in the Odd News section of Yahoo News.

"LYNCHBURG, Va. - A prosecutor says greasy fingerprints led police in Virginia to a suspect with sticky fingers. Assistant Commonwealth's Attorney Bethany Harrison said Lynchburg police matched prints on an orange juice bottle left at the scene of a breaking and entering to 33-year-old Bernard Wood.

He was sentenced Friday to six years in prison after being found guilty of three counts of burglary and two counts of grand larceny."
The Associated Press

Thank goodness we have a hapless burglar with greasy fingers or Americans would never read a news article that has the dateline of our beautiful and peaceful little city.

I am too nervous to take up the profession of burglary; if I broke into a home I would glance at the front door every couple of seconds terrified that the homeowner might unexpectedly return. But this joker had the presence of mind to take a break from stealing stuff and drink some orange juice from the homeowner's fridge.

I'm glad Mr. Sticky Fingers was slapped with a stiff sentence; I doubt that he will be drinking orange juice that often behind bars.

Robert Paul Reyes is a NewsBlaze writer on Politics, Pop Culture and Pointless Pontificating. Contact him by writing to NewsBlaze.