Published: August 22, 2008
Op-Ed Contributor
Bigfoot: A Gorilla Rubber Suit Filled With Roadkill
By Robert Paul Reyes
"Two Georgia men who claimed to possess the body of a slain Sasquatch said the mythical beast was actually a Bigfoot costume filled with road kill." -UPI
Anyone surprised that this was all an elaborate hoax, might also be shocked to learn the following cruel facts of life:
*The Mall Santa Claus is really a wino who doesn't mind putting on a silly outfit to earn a few bucks. And he's not happy to see you, that's a bottle of Thunderbird in his pants.
*Dr. Phil isn't really a doctor, he's just a bald-headed jerk who owes his career to Oprah Winfrey.
*Professional wrestling is as phony as a $3 bill, and the wrestlers didn't build those Supersized muscles by taking vitamins and drinking plenty of milk.
*The Easter Bunny is really a pedophile who like hanging around little kids.
*That photograph of the Loch Ness monster that your Uncle Ernie took on his vacation? It's really his rubber duckie photoshopped to look like the mythical creature.
*Remember that streetwalker you picked up in Vegas who told you that you were the best lover she's ever had? Girlfriend was lying like a dog, she only wanted a tip.
*That money that you are counting on to buy a speed boat? That email isn't from a CEO of a Nigerian bank, it's from a 17-year-old scammer, hence the hundreds of spelling errors.
*You are so proud of your wife because she's been working out for hours after work every day. Hate to break the news to you bro, but she hasn't been working out at the gym but at the Cozy Arms Motel.
Robert Paul Reyes is a NewsBlaze writer on Politics, Pop Culture and Pointless Pontificating. Contact him by writing to NewsBlaze.
* The views of Opinion writers do not necessarily reflect the views of NewsBlaze
Search News
Daily News
