Ta-Ta to the $5.00 Latte!

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Satire By John Lillpop

It had to happen soon or latter. Eventually, intelligent Americans were bound to revolt against shelling out $5.00 for a cup of Java while also paying $5.00 for a gallon of regular petro.

Something had to go, and for many Americans it was the overpriced $5.00 Latte that proved most expendable.

As a result, Starbucks, purveyor of anti-God and other offensive left-wing propaganda on its coffee mugs, has announced that the firm will not close 100 stores as previously reported.

Rather, the Seattle, Washington based Starbucks will close 600 stores and wipe out 12,000 jobs.

According to the Associated Press, "Starbucks is closing 19 percent of all U.S. company-operated stores that opened in the last two years, chief financial officer Pete Bocian said.

O'Neil said most employees would be moved to nearby stores, but she did not know exactly how many jobs would be lost. Starbucks estimated $8 million in severance costs. In total, the company forecast up to $348 million in charges related to the closures, $200 million to be booked in the fiscal third quarter ended June 30. Starbucks reports third-quarter results at the end of July."