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Hidden Confessions of Brooke White on American Idol

By Garrett Edward Godwin

In a telephone conservation the morning after her elimination from American Idol, Brooke White knew that the end was near for her. She has been packed and ready to go for two weeks. Last week, the 24-year-old Mesa, Arizona native bombed at the beginning of her song, stopped the orchestra, and started over.

Now this week, Brooke wrote several parts of her song's lyrics on her hand - in case she forgot - and it was smooth sailing from there on.

"I don't know if guilt is quite the right word for surviving. I was grateful" she said of last week's elimination where Carly Smithson went home, and it was predicted that White would be next. "The voting process is very interesting. That is why I say, 'You never know what is going to happen'. I was grateful to people seeing my past mistake. I think beyond my mistake, I did my best. I emotionally connected with the song and I gave it everything I had. For whatever reason people felt motivated to vote, that is beyond my control."

This week, Brooke said she was revitalized and looking forward to singing Joni Mitchell's "Help Me" for next week's Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. But when she got up on Wednesday morning, she knew deep down that her time was coming to an end.

"Part of me was, 'I want to keep going'. Part of me was thinking, 'This has been amazing'. It is a relief" she confesses. "Song selection and the pressure has really increased with two songs and preparing for the finale. It is an incredible amount of pressure, so in that sense, it does feel good to be done with that. But I was welcoming the challenge, as well."

However, the highlight for Brooke is finally speaking to her own Idol, Carly Simon, on the telephone. She said that the call reaffirmed the desire to be a singer-songwriter. "I do relate to her and those singer songwriters of the 70s. I just connect with what they do. I hope I can make that happen in 2008 in a more modern way and incorporate those sounds" she stated.

And as far as those tears shed on Wednesday's Idol, it's all in the past.

"I was so grateful and happy and then it was done" she answers. "It was sad. Then there was the fear of going back into the real world and what the future holds. It was a lot of feelings that I was feeling. It was emotional. I hoped so much I could have been stronger. I am an emotional girl and I am passionate. I guess that came across on the stage, because I felt vulnerable every time."

Source: The Insider Online