With 72 Virgins Waiting, Why Would Any Normal Jihadist Resist Death?

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Satire By John Lillpop

If it is true that, upon death, Muslim men have immediate access to 72 voluptuous virgins, why would any Muslim ever resist?

In fact, one wonders why Musab Zarqawi tried to crawl off his death-stretcher in Iraq?

Given the promise of all that free love, why not just lay back, relax and croak?

Perhaps Zarqawi understood that if he stayed on the stretcher he risked being taken and kept alive by American medical people.

He was also shrewd enough to know that dimwit liberals at the ACLU and DNC would demand that he receive a full slate of "Terrorist Rights," including a civilian jury trial, thereby delaying his demise/reward by a decade or two.

So Zarqawi did what any sane Muslim about to lose out on 20 years of unfettered virgin sex would do: He tried to escape in order to die immediately!

In the end, though, Zarqawi was a beneficiary of superior American technology as that 500 pound buster- bomb blasted the jihadist killer out of this level of consciousness.

Zarqawi's last words on that bloody stretcher reflected his gratitude when he stole a direct quote from GW Bush:

Bring them on! said the dying jihadist, with a twinkle in his still-horny eye.

And remember the weasels who committed suicide at Guantanamo Bay? One would assume that by now they have also snaked their way up to Islamic heaven and are reunited with Zarqawi.

So, again I ask: With 72 virgins in the offing, why in the name of Allah would any Muslim ever resist death?