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Ted Kennedy Casts 15,000th Vote: Woe Unto U.S.!

Satire By John Lillpop

Over the past 45 years, Senator Ted Kennedy (D-Mass.) has cast 15,000 votes, nearly all of which have been against the interests of the American people.

In retrospect, allowing Osama bin Laden to vote in Kennedy's place would have resulted in far less damage to America's democracy, economy, and freedom.

It is a pity that the Senate does not control voting with the sort of device that prevents intoxicated people from driving. With such an innovation in place, Kennedy would have recorded less than a dozen votes over that 45-year period, and America would be much safer.

In addition, nearly all-liberal legislation would have failed.

Fifteen thousand votes fueled by 15 Martinis per vote! That is about right considering Kennedy's burping -voting record.

And that does not include drinks downed by the senator while driving off a bridge on Chappaquiddick Island in 1969, a disaster that claimed the life of a young woman named Mary Jo Kopechne.

My how values have changed.

In 2007, the nation is burdened with a 62-year old senator who has yet to be "potty trained" and who thinks it's cool to plead guilty, resign, and then withdraw his resignation and his guilty plea. Small campaign budgets will drive some politicians to the edge just for free publicity.

In 1969, we had a drunken senator who thought it was cool to drown a young woman and avoid justice because his name was Kennedy.

Talk about a culture of corruption!

Still, there are members of the Senate who chose to say kind words about Kennedy to commemorate his 15,000th mistake.

Most of those voting to honor Kennedy have family and friends who are bartenders, drunken tank operators, and colleagues who understand what it means to be a member of the most ravaged minority in America: Drunk millionaires.

That is what being a Kennedy is all about!

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, 'clean and sober' since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable! Writing is his passion. He loves creating lively copy with irony and humor!