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Nancy Pelosi's Six-Month Victory Lap

Satire By John Lillpop

Don't you just love Nancy Pelosi? For a feminist, she sure has robust cajones!

There she was last Friday afternoon, front and center, wearing a grin wide enough to convince naive liberals that she was delighted to be standing before them in order to be held accountable for her performance as Speaker of the House. [ SFGate ]

Flashing the V sign all around, as if she had just captured Osama bin Laden, disabled all 1,000 of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's uranium centrifuges, pulled the plug on North Korea's nuclear program, and ended the war in Iraq with victory for America, all by her lonesome.

And, she would add, despite the presence of an "incompetent" George W. Bush and obstructionist Republicans in both chambers.

Pelosi started her C-Span Performance Review by commenting how "coincidental" it was that the six-month anniversary of the Democratic takeover of congress, which started January 5, comes so close to July 4th.

Coincidental?

When in Hades was she expecting the six-month anniversary of January 5 to fall? Early October? Spring 2008, perhaps?

Someone PLEASE explain how calendars work to this very troubled sixty-six year old grandma with a dangerous addiction to Botox!

After congratulating Democrats for all of their wonderful achievements, which she did not bother to detail, Speaker Pelosi admitted that some issues did not go exactly as she would have preferred.

Like the amnesty bill in the senate, for example. Never one to be deterred by reason or fact, Pelosi blamed the failure of that dilly on those Senate Republicans and that 60-vote thing!

She was referring to cloture, of course.

And of course, there are not sixty Republicans in the U.S. Senate. If there were, Harry Reid would be back in Utah running real estate scams and accepting bribes from promoters with legislation pending before the most deliberative body in the world, instead of working 24/7 to move the Mexican border somewhere north of Minneapolis, Minnesota!

Still, most people who can stomach more than 20 seconds of Pelosi are die hard liberals who could not care less about the truth.

To most liberals, blaming George W. Bush and Republicans is in their DNA, and is an automatic, reflexive action.

Indeed, blaming George W. Bush for everything has a soothing and therapeutic effect on unsteady liberal minds.

Caution: Look for all heck to break loose on January 20, 2009 when W officially leaves office and throws the entire Democrat party into a massive depression akin to the "Empty Nest" syndrome that parents face when the last child marches off to university.

Prozac and Vodka cocktails will reign supreme in the homes and offices of liberals so very desperate for mental relief.

When asked about the 14 percent approval rating that Congress is currently saddled with, Pelosi did not bat an eye. Instead, she glanced over at Harry Reid and snidely remarked, "I'm not happy with Congress, either."

Touché, Harry!

Were it not for the senate, Pelosi seemed to infer, Congress would be way up there in approval ratings - perhaps even as high as 23 percent, which is where President Bush is quacking these days.

Pelosi concluded the event by reminding her audience that the Democrats had promised America a "new direction," and that they had made considerable progress toward meeting that objective.

Will the person who is going to explain calendars to Pelosi also remind her that most Americans expected the "new direction" to be forward - rather than stuck in reverse, as is now the case under Democrat leadership!

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, 'clean and sober' since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable! Writing is his passion. He loves creating lively copy with irony and humor!