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Lessons Learned by New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine

Satire By John Lillpop

In what must be regarded as a nasty break for New Jersey taxpayers, Gov. Jon S. Corzine is set to resume work on May 6 for the first since being seriously injured in a car crash.

Mind you, nearly everyone is delighted that the governor is out of the hospital, doing well, and on the road to recovery.

However, given the damage that Corzine has already inflicted on the state's economy and tax code, some believe the governor should take his time and stay in rehabilitation a bit longer.

Like until his term expires in 2010, perhaps!

Still, political insiders say that Corzine has learned several valuable lessons from his accident and is eager to implement progressive solutions based on lessons learned.

For example, Corzine is reportedly considering new and tougher laws to regulate seat belt compliance and speeding. Like any confused liberal, Corzine's gut reaction in any situation is to seek greater intervention by government, which is precisely the wrong thing to do.

In his own case, Corzine, the top law enforcement authority in New Jersey, was not wearing his seat belt and his SUV was traveling in excess of 90 miles an hour.

Corzine was clearly in a big hurry to get to the governor's mansion to preside over the public flogging of Dom Imus for exercising his free speech right. The Rutgers women's basketball team and the national media were to be on hand to deal with the "nappy headed ho" kerfuffle, which had become an obsession with most liberals.

Corzine's haste to shine in the national spotlight caused him to violate existing laws. His failure to obey the law nearly cost him his life and did in fact cost him the tidy sum of $49 dollar-an amount that probably made it to the governor's travel allowance and ultimately paid for New Jersey taxpayers.

So, to the liberal mind, the solution is simple: A new law that sends those who refuse to buckle up and who drive at 90+ miles and hour to jail, and imposes a stiff fine.

Just one question: How likely is it that a new, tougher law will force a headline-hunting governor to buckle up and slow down?

Being the good liberal that he is, Corzine will no doubt throw a tax increase, new gun controls, and a ban on SUVs into the seat belt and speeding law.

Fortunately, it is unlikely that the new bill will call for withdrawal of troops from Iraq because that disaster is in the incapable hands of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid.