Breaking News! Anna Nicole Smith Death Linked to Border Scandal

By John Lillpop

Satire

For Immediate Release:

Crawford, Texas (lilllevinnews)

In exclusive reports delivered to lilllevinnews, unnamed sources are alleging that there may be a direct and, very damaging, link between President Bush and U.S. Attorney Johnny Sutton, and the death of Anna Nicole Smith, the late superstar model

Initial reports are somewhat sketchy but here is what is known so far:

google.com

Anna Nicole Smith was born in Houston, Texas on November 28, 1967. In and of itself, that may seem insignificant, but to experienced investigators like Shclip Leviopp, ace reporter at lilllevinnews, alarm bells went off and red flags appeared.

Upon further investigation, Leviopp uncovered a trail of suspicious behavior in Smith's background. For example, Leviopp reports that at the age of 17, Smith made herself a powerful force in Texas oil and politics by marrying oil business executive and billionaire J. Howard Marshall.

That would, of course, place Smith in the same socio-economic circles as G.W Bush, although Smith was not known as an alcoholic. Given the fact that Marshall was 63 years her senior, Leviopp reports that Smith's apparent abstinence from alcohol is very "Un-Texan" and makes the evolving story all the more compelling and credible.

The next "red flag" arises when Smith was featured as a Playboy centerfold in 1992. Leviopp notes that Smith's immediate successor was Angela Melini, a Hispanic, and probably an illegal alien.

Leviopp speculates that being replaced by an illegal alien probably poisoned Smith's mind against all illegal aliens, including good hearted, hard working naked sluts with Spanish surnames.

So how does all this implicate President Bush and or Johnny Sutton?

Leviopp reports that Bush and Sutton have been close friends for decades, and that Bush was especially eager to have Sutton's help in keeping the border as calm as possible while amnesty was being people-of-color-rigged in Washington, D.C.

According to Leviopp, that configuration of needs and opportunities lead the president to introduce his pal Johnny Sutton to the voluptuous and sexy Anne Nicole Smith.

An affair of the flesh apparently ensued and, in a major scoop of epic proportions, Leviopp is reporting that Johnny Sutton is the father of Smith's daughter, Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern, born September 7, 2006, at Doctors Hospital in Nassau, Bahamas.

Repeat: Ace reporter Shclip Leviopp is reporting tonight that U.S. Attorney Johnny Sutton is the father of the child born to Anna Nicole Smith on September 7, 2006.

As if this story is not convoluted enough, Leviopp reports that former border agents Ignacio Ramos and Jose Compean became aware of Sutton's relationship with Smith and the illegitimate child resulting from Johnny's reckless spreading of his apple seeds.

Once Sutton realized that Ramos and Compean knew the facts, Sutton decided that the agents need attitude adjustments--the kind that take 11 or 12 years behind bars to effect.

Thus, the incomprehensible and vulgar prosecution of two innocent American heroes was launched to cover up a wicked dalliance between a two-bit whore and a crooked lawyer with ties to Dubya.

The final chapter in this sordid tale involves the actual death of Anna Nicole Smith. Although all of the evidence thus far is circumstantial, Leviopp believes that Sutton may have considered Smith a threat given her unstable and immature lifestyle. That may have caused Sutton to arrange for Smith's "suicide."

No one can know for sure where all this will lead, but two things seem quite clear: 1) Ignacio Ramos and Jose Compean are not likely to be pardoned any time soon, and 2) Johnny Sutton is probably trying to make an appointment with the president to discuss presidential pardons for those found guilty of murder!

satirebylillpop

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable.