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Ahmadinejad to Make Dramatic Announcement Feb.11

By John Lillpop

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Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is making news again, this time by promising a dramatic announcement on February 11.

News: http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3360816,00.html

Officials at the State Department and Pentagon are working at a frantic pace to determine what Ahmadinejad is up to, so that an adequate U.S. response can be formulated.

Speculation is all over the park; however, those in the know are suggesting that Ahmadinejad will announce one or more of the following initiatives:

* A Holocaust museum is to be built in Tehran. Ahmadinejad needs six million Jews to volunteer as "victims" for the true to death exhibits.

Victims will be unpaid, but will be entitled to an attractive, non-transferable cremation bonus.

* Iran's missing imam has been found in a well in New Orleans. Apparently, the Iranian messiah fell into the well on September 1, 2005, and is just now being rescued by FEMA.

Mayor Nagin insists that Governor Blanco was taking care of the imam problem. Blanco insists that FEMA chief Michael Brown ("brownie") was supposed to fish the imam out by October 15, 2005.

Obviously all is not well at that damn well in Big Easy!

* The Democratic National Committee is opening a branch office in Bam.

Keith Ellison, the only openly Muslim serving in the U.S. Congress, will present the official "Ax to the City" to Howard Dean, Chairman of the DNC.

After a few remarks from Dean, the DNC-Jihad alliance will be formalized with the beheading of three vagabond Jews.

* A casting call has been issued for the male lead in a new movie that will recreate the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. The successful applicant will be an infidel from a southern U.S. state, with poor English skills, dyslexia, unable to pronounce the word nuclear, and with an acknowledged weakness for criminals from Mexico.

* Pope Benedict XVI has accepted an invitation to serve as the guest of honor at Iran's first annual SoccerFest in July. Final language is being drafted for a half-time announcement in which the Pope will publicly declare his personal conversion to Islam, and his rejection of all that "Christian bunk."

* Allah has delivered a "miracle cure" for AIDS to Iranian scientists. This miracle drug has no side effects when administered to heterosexual Muslim brothers or sisters.

However, homosexuals of all faiths and infidels of all sexual persuasions who ingest the medicine will suffer an agonizing and painful death, which, according to the Koran, is fulfillment of prophecies made by Mohammed.

* Because of that evil doer, G.W Bush, Muslim martyrs are being delivered to Islamic heaven at a record pace. As a result, the supply of virgins is dangerously low, and the number of virgins gifted to arriving martyrs must be reduced from 72 to 36. This is a temporary measure until Allah smites that evil infidel from Texas.

* February 11 marks the official start of the 8th century in Iran.

Happy New Century to all of those innocent people enslaved in Iran--may Allah have mercy on your souls and deliver you from evil!

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, 'clean and sober' since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable! Writing is his passion. He loves creating lively copy with irony and humor!