Dear CAIR: Please Boycott Airlines Serving Hawaii--In May! (satire)

By John Lillpop

Of all the bloody cheek!

No longer content with just ramming airplanes into skyscrapers, devotees of the "Religion of Peace" have raised the terror bar another couple of notches.

Now these neurotic stowaways from the 7th century have flexed their financial muscle by threatening to boycott Northwest Airlines. It seems as though agents at Northwest had the audacity to demand that Muslim travelers follow international and airline rules by checking in least one hour before scheduled departure time.

It had something to do with security, 9/11, Jihad on America etc. Nothing that would concern any card-holding Jihadist. Right?

In any event, travelers returning from a pilgrimage to Mecca, Saudi Arabia, allegedly arrived just twenty minutes before departure, rather the required hour.

That is when Northwest Airlines personnel acted responsibly and refused to allow 40 of Allah's best and brightest to board the plane.

Of course, lawyers from CAIR subsequently gathered to address the issue in the spirit of fairness, reasoned logic, and common sense.

When all of those approaches failed, CAIR resorted to their standard policy book and screamed Racism! blah, blah, blah. And they then threatened to boycott the company, meaning that Muslims would get even by not flying Northwest Airlines.

Excuse me, did I read that correctly? The Muslims threatened to stay away from Northwest Airlines?

Good grief, how lucky can any airline get?

Immediately after confirming this report, I checked the itinerary for my Hawaii vacation in May and dispatched the following letter to the San Francisco branch of CAIR:

Dear CAIR:

Knowing how racist and belligerent some airlines can be, I thought it my civic duty to inform you of a situation that is untenable for any ax-wielding Jihadist.

I refer to XXX Airlines, Flight XX, on May 5, 2007. This flight is non-stop from San Francisco to Honolulu, and leaves at 730 a.m., PDT. Gate 2a, Terminal 3.

In addition, please make note of the return flight from Honolulu to San Francisco on May 19, 2007.

Both of these flights are to be avoided by Muslims at all costs. The pilots, flight attendants, security personal, bartenders, and Red Caps at the airports for these flights are all racists. Some are even reported to be closet Jews.

Please confirm receipt of this advisory and CAIR's firm commitment to boycott the identified flights.

Praise be to Allah,

JWL
Infidel, Second Class

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, 'clean and sober' since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable! Writing is his passion. He loves creating lively copy with irony and humor!