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The Simple Life? It's Not That Simple

Richard L. Barrett, III

They're baaaaack! Just when you thought, in your darkest hours during the middle of endless sleepless nights that were mired in dejection, that you would have to face a life without the crazy antics of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie invading some poor (sometimes literally) family's lives, well grieve no more, friends, because The Simple Life returns this Sunday, June 4, at 10 pm on the E! network!

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According to an AP report, Paris Hilton, and her former best friend forever and now arch enemy, Nicole Richie, have not patched things up in their insufferable and long-standing feud, nor do they reveal the cause of the rift. Last year, though, the Howard Stern Radio Show reported that the feud began when, at a chic crowded night club in which Paris was present, Nicole surprised Paris (and everyone else in attendance) by playing the "One Night in Paris" adult dvd, as a joke, on the club's big screen TV. The joke apparently was not appreciated by Paris. The two socialites have not been on speaking terms since.

Paris, whose resume includes being an heiress to the Hilton Hotel chain, a part-time fashion model, reality TV star, B picture movie star, unwitting porn star, high-end shopper and full-time socialite, characterizes the two as "complete opposites."

"I'm the nice one, she's the evil one," the baby-voiced blonde says. "Some people change when they think they're a star or something and some people stay the same. I've always been the same and she's definitely not."

"Nothing happened," says a dismissive Richie. "You've never lost touch with anyone in your life?"

The epic exchange was truly a battle of wits.

Nicole Richie's own resume, while not as daring and naughty as Ms. Hilton's, can still claim status as a reality TV star, a full-time socialite and high-end shopper, whose adoptive father, Lionel Richie, made some of the best R&B music during the 1970's with the legendary Soul/Funk group, Commodores, before destroying his career by dancing on the ceiling in the 1980's.

Will Paris and Nicole ever make-up and bury the hatchet? If not, when will the pay-per-view caged mud wrestling grudge match be scheduled? Will next year be the year Lionel Richie attempts a comeback via American Idol? We'll have to wait and see, but until then, all we can say is, "Welcome back to the Simple Life, Paris and Nicole!"