Release Date: Theatrical 3/3/06, DVD available 6/27/06
Stars: Milla Jovovich, Cameron Bright, Nick Chinlund, William Fichtner
Director: Kurt Wimmer
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Reason for Rating: For sequences of violent action, partial nudity and language
Runtime: 1 hour 34 minutes
A woman infected with a futuristic “vampire” virus escapes a concentration camp for the contaminated and becomes a super soldier with a penchant for violent revenge on the uninfected human race. The world is now run by a militant medical wing under the guise of a church poised to resemble Catholicism. OK, hold the phone. Normally, I like to give an informative summary, however this is about as much as I got out of the, dare I say movie.
Ultraviolet is the ultimate movie with a poor script. Watching Milla Jovovich stumble over bottom shelf dialog and sputtering sentence fragments into the camera was a banal experience. The CGI (computer generated images) was awful and over used and completely unbelievable and…let me take a breath.
This movie was the perfect example of a good idea, a bad development team, misguided investors, a good executive producer, and a bad script. I could have made four strong movies with positive cashflow using this one’s budget. From the very beginning, and I mean the very first second, the film starts with a lengthy voice over that explains everything. In the industry this is called cheating, show it, don’t say it. Of course, I could have looked over much of these flaws had this movie contained the most important part of any story in any format; PLOT. This movie hits so many areas so broadly that it was impossible to nail down a definitive plot line. There was a virus, people were discriminated against, OK I get it, then what? Where did the Arch Ministry come from, how did the “vampires” get so technologically advanced? Why was the populus so scared, besides light sensitivity and a shorter life span, there were no other symptoms, except super strength, speed, and heightened senses; “gee that sucks“. The futuristic technology was amazing, but they still ride motorcycles with combustion engines? Oh yeah, how about a thin euro model that can beat 50 other super humans and seven hundred armed soldiers, but has a tough time defeating the Minister/Doctor/Priest.
This movie constantly took pot shots at the Catholic Church making it more of an ecclesiastic political statement than a venue for entertainment. I could go on and on, but here’s the skinny; every movie starts with a script and if it has holes, it has holes. If they are not filled, the holes only get bigger as the production sallys forth. This script’s holes grew into a big pit. You know the type, when you get up to use the loo, but don’t hit the PAUSE button or that you enjoy it better while watching on MUTE. Yeah, that’s this movie.
Hit or No Hit: Coach Mike’s says this one strikes out looking at three straight fastballs, with no intention of swinging. A bus waits outside the stadium to Cactus Arizona, where it will dress for the Arizona Tumbleweeds in the South West desert league. It’s back to A ball without the hope of ever seeing a major league field again.